Comments : Crown Heights (Haiku String)

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Excellent topical piece, POTP - each haiku delivers a turn in its third line, delivering this string a series of powerful messages, to the final hard to read conclusion - Racial prejudice

  • 6 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Hey POTP. This packs a real punch with each haiku. The title was very thought provoking but my initial thought was that crown = King or Queen and heights = above the rest therefore they should be respected but in my experience not all royals/stars are respectable. I'm not sure why I came to this conclusion.
    1) This is an excellent opening and one which is somewhat relatable to me as I suffer mental illness and believe that it shouldn't come with a death sentence but having a mental illness in itself often feels like a life sentence doesn't it? Yet here we have someone who suffers mentally and therefore is punished to death whether it be from a death sentence or from a killing though I believe it's the latter with the words perished meaning to die usually in a violent or sudden way. I believe this to be personal as you used the name of this person.
    2) Again, I believe this to be personal or maybe something that's been in the news which I refuse to watch as it's usually full of horrific or sad stories unfortunately as you mentioned the place this traumatic thing happened and that the police ‘thought’ he had a gun which is certainly the operative word here that they punished him on hearsay so to speak which nowadays often the case but I read the word silver and realise most guns are black unless I'm clearing missing something and am naive. Don't even get me started on Americas gun control.
    3) This is the most hard hitting ending ever.. He wasn't a criminal, it was something innocent he held in his hands and was no doubt not helped by the fact he was suffering a mental illness and ‘black’ which I believe should not condemn someone to die so violently yet so often does.

    Hats off to you on an eye opening, thought provoking and honest piece.
    All the best
    Em x

  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    held in his Black hands.

    ^^

    Very good, genuinely, MA. It is this line that is the crux of the piece and, if the police involved were reading, would be the only one that mattered unfortunately.

    Take care

  • 6 years ago

    by nobody special

    I loved the opening line: "A mental illness should not be a death sentence"
    How true. This can go several ways. First, depression is a mental disorder (or illness) and sometimes it can seem like a death sentence. Another way this can be taken is the fact that so many people seem to think mental illness can be used as an excuse for murder.
    I thought your line "it was just a shower head held in his black hands" was really powerful as well.
    Great job!

  • 5 years ago

    by Abed

    Judging comment:

    Maryanne strikes with a straight forward tribute to the still on-going injustice. Formed poetry served her purpose. And she served the form further by creating a mindblowing scenery that sounds like a bullet. When will all of this end?