Comments : Without you ( rhyming Etheree) - first attempt

  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Michael, I have just written my first etheree but it is a 'standard' one and certainly doesn't rhyme! Here, you have a double etheree that does - superb. The only thing I might point out is that the two last lines both have ten syllables, I believe, and the penultimate one should have nine. (scrap my advice if it's wrong)!

    Anyway, this is great.

    Ben

  • 6 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Oh I do say what a beautifully sad etheree and a rhymed one too just wow where do your talents stop??
    Line 9 has 10 syllables I suggest taking out my on this line.
    Take care. Em x

    • 6 years ago

      by Michael

      Thank you to both Em and Ben for your lovely comments, and now adjusted from your keen eyes :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Brenda

    Michael, this is your first Etheree? Seriously? You did a double with rhyming! You have many hidden talents my friend! Nicely done!

    • 6 years ago

      by Michael

      Thank you Miss Brenda, lovely comments. I found this the easiest in truth :)x

  • 6 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Your cup runneth over Michael! Lol ... this is visually lovely, content and rhymes are fab and adheres to the form! *applause!* blooming well done. I suppose I'll have to try one now! Lol :-) x
    =^.^=

    • 6 years ago

      by Michael

      *applause* why thank you Miss Kitty *an ovation* for all poets :) yes you will x

  • 4 years ago

    by Mark

    Visually and literally beautiful