Comments : Without you (rondeau)

  • 5 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    Beautiful

  • 5 months ago

    by Mark

    It's beautiful Michael

  • 5 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    *

  • 5 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Michael I've not commented fully in any of your pieces so thought whilst I had a night off that I could do you the honour and what a wonderful piece I've chosen to comment on.
    The title could go either way in my opinion as in it could be you're lonely without them as they're not there at night when you need them or you're 'without you' is because they're unfortunately no longer here so I'm guessing it's going to be a somewhat saddening piece either way you look at it.
    1) This sets the scene of you possibly laying the table for a romantic meal with a single rose in the middle and a candle or 2 besides it and wearing your best suit having slaved over the hot stove making your ladies favourite meal then waiting patiently but in 'vain' for her to come. The end of the stanza makes me believe that this person is no longer around though as the 'wind-chime jingle' making a presence known but not seen though this leads alot to the imagination in my opinion
    2) this stanza again makes me believe that this person is missed and longed for as you can hear their voice which soothes your pain but what pain? Is it heartbreak or grief? I reckon it's the latter.
    3) This literally broke my heart in 2 because I can feel the yearning for this person to come back and I know exactly how it is to grieve for someone, hear their name, hear their voice so clearly yet know they're no longer here.. It slowly breaks us yet helps us 'move on' in some silly way I guess.
    Take care Michael and well done on a great piece as always
    Em x

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thank you Em for your wonderful comment. It certainly is missing someone who has left this world, and just sometimes lying in bed the wind blows and I always sense a feeling with the wind that it carries so much, even souls maybe :)x

    • 5 months ago

      by Em (marmite)

      What a wonderful thought Michael and one which will stay with me now.take care x

  • 5 months ago

    by CJ Maleney

    Wonderful Michael.

    Regards

    Craig

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thank s fella :)

  • 5 months ago

    by Fredy Sanchez

    This poem speaks of loneliness but the flow is so playful by contrast. Great piece

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thank you Fredy :)

  • 5 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    Now this is just so beautifully written with the right words and
    the form itself blends into the write...if that made sense maybe
    I should have said the write blends in so much with the form!

    Well done!

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Either way Meena, lovely comments as always :)x

  • 5 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Those nights do sound sticky! I do like this form.
    Well done.

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thanks Mr D - since this form came to the forum, I have fallen in love with this style :)

    • 5 months ago

      by Ya----Na

      Me too.

  • 5 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Beautifully written. I'm not familiar with this form but it works very well. A superb write, Milly x

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thank you Milly :) and nice to see you back here x

  • 5 months ago

    by Ya----Na

    Michael I am still trying on this form, but your flows like water.

    • 5 months ago

      by Michael

      Thank you SG not an easy one for sure :)