Comments : We Were Awkward And I Cannot Swim Past That

  • 9 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    The trouble with you, Ben, is you just don't apply yourself. :p

    Seriously, super write. :0)

  • 9 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Golly Ben. This is a bit special! The title is brilliant in itself and the references to captain cook are intriguing. But what I really read about was a man's realisation that a love is lost. That knowing look between a couple, each waiting for the other to call 'time'.
    And this line ...

    "burning suicide's bashful braille on your retinas"

    ... is nothing short of poetic brilliance. Damn Mr D for beating me to nominating it!
    Bloomin' storming write Ben! :-) x
    =^.^=

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Kitty, great to see you back. Thanks so much for this comment and you are right: it's about a love that's reached the point where there are awkward glances and silences and both parties know it's over. Sometimes, a single glance that is no longer comfortable can destroy everything or at least make plain what was being denied.

  • 9 months ago

    by Khadz

    Wow Ben, I am so amaZe to read this poem! It’s say it all emotions expression and love just wow !!! Kudos to your composing such a wonderful poem !

  • 9 months ago

    by Michael

    Ben,

    this is a beauty, and very well written and put together
    M:)

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks so much, Michael. I hope you're well.

  • 9 months ago

    by Ben

    I'm finding my inability to nominate a little frustrating now :/

    I have to say I do love it when you write free verse, your language and phrasing is always very addictive and at times find myself wanting more free verse from you :)

    I think alot of people will read this and nod in affirmation at this write and as usual you present it in a fabulous way.

    Epic as always

    Ben

  • 9 months ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    You really should write more free verse! This is beautiful! I love this so much! I love the reference to Captain Cook, to Cupid, and others. I love the title, the wording... This is well-crafted! I love the punctuations. I can sense a love at first sight scenario or something of that sort, and from that you dance with words and created something everlasting from a short span of time when the eyes of the two of you met each other. You play so wonderfully with your words, but the awkwardness is really evident, I love that kind of creativity! Great job! Added to favorites!

    --- MKKK

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks so much, Mahal. To be honest, I do write a fair bit of free verse but it just isn't noticed as much, I suppose. Rhyming poetry comes more easily to me generally speaking but I enjoy writing (or attempting) poetry in all its many forms.

  • 9 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Another epic piece. I loved the weave of historic reference but more the fact that you can weave such fabulous metaphors throughout this piece and conjure up such vivid imagery despite the fact it is free verse lol. Loved it. Milly x

  • 9 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Ben this is just excellent well more than excellent but I am lost for words in all honesty I have read this (in hiding) a few times and each time I've found more thrilling about it that just blows me away which doesn't surprise me anymore with you Sir. I was going to break this up piece by piece but it is just too wonderful to do that. The whole piece seeps fantastic yet vivid imagery which I am again not surprised at.
    Take care
    Em x
    Glad to see its nominated by the way :)

  • 9 months ago

    by CRAFTY KEN

    Ben, not many times that you have left your rhyming behind, but it's a great write in the true style of poetry. You know that I am a dyed in the wool rhymer, don't think I could write my poems any other way.

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      I know what you mean, Ken. I find it less natural too but it's nice to broaden your horizons...sometimes.

      Take care