Comments : Sleep insomniac (Haiku)

  • 5 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Love the ending. I have to be honest, as much as I love birds singing, there is no more depressing sound at 4 or 5 in the morning when you realise a whole night of rest has past you by and another day is already being heralded.

    Take care

  • 5 months ago

    by CRAFTY KEN

    Very nice Fenrir, I like the haiku style, you can say much with just a few words, imagination takes care of the rest. People can interpret it with their own thoughts also.

  • 5 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    I absolutely loved this Fenrir because its so relatable and as Ben said kind of) the birds are magical on their on but come morning time when you've had little or no sleep whatsoever you just feel like getting an imaginary shotgun and shooting them just to get an hour but then again that hour will probably make matters worse and those burning eyes sting more unfortunately so we just have to just face reality that little bit earlier, face defeat or just lay awake and imagine how it'd feel having a fill night's unbroken sleep mmm now wouldn't that be magical haha?? Great write.

    • 5 months ago

      by Fenrir

      Thank you so much, Em (and everyone else).
      Love the comments.
      And yes, an unbroken sleep would be amazing.

  • 5 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I can relate so well. Sleep is all I want. When you hear the birds sing we k ow it's time to get up and feeling drained. Add to my favorite. All the best to yiu

  • 5 months ago

    by Darren

    A small poem that started as a senryu then dipped its toe into Haiku in the final line. I still feel this is probably more Senryu as it’s more about your feelings than nature. However that said I love how each line is a mere snippet of so much more.
    Line one we are wondering what is causing the insomnia, we have all experienced this feeling at some point. I have been known to start to doze in front of the TV at night so before I fall asleep on the sofa I turn everything off, head upstairs lay in bed and find myself wide awake for about 3 hours.
    The second line is relatable? We count the seconds, minutes then hours of lost rest. Each wasted hour an hour closer to the intrusion of an alarm or in your case, the birds.
    Here in line three nature is mentioned but rather than celebrate the wonder of chirping birds they are presented as an annoyance. Insomnia wins again.
    As I said it is probably a senryu but I am nominating anyway as it says so much more than those three lines you wrote.

    • 5 months ago

      by Fenrir

      Totally understandable, should I change it to Senryu then Haiku?

    • 5 months ago

      by Darren

      your poem mate, nothing wrong with artistic licence