Comments : Ativan

  • 4 months ago

    by Hellon

    Maher...I've missed reading your poems...I think I fell off the planet for a while or something??? Anyway..as usual, I find this very deep..a little different from some of the others I've read but still very 'you'!

    I fear the dark
    every time I'm locked within your box.
    ^^
    I'd really like to see this statement on it's own because it is a build up to what's about to happen

    This tightness grips
    and capos every string of the heart.
    A minor fall to solid floors
    with no major break in sight.
    A hollow mass with vivid flaws
    that blind the wrong from right.
    From seven planes down
    it seems like just a prick of light,
    amidst the the air that's tough to breathe
    and the feelings I can't fight.
    With limbs that fall like lead
    ^^

    all of the above is building the emotions you feel and the reader also feels them.

    and heart that beats in flight
    and tongue that speaks in red
    and eyes that see no white
    and ears that hear what's said
    and mind that thinks in strife
    and nose that smells the death
    ^^^^
    this needs to stand alone IMO...it just so has to!!!

    of lungs that breathe in spite
    of what little air remains in the box with broken key.
    How I wish I were the hands that hold such power over me.

    Let me just try to draw breath here...wow!!! just wow!!

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Hellon, I'm glad you liked it and your comments are always on point. I've restructured it and it looks better to me now too. Always good to have your honest feedback :)

  • 4 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    holy crap!

    this is so powerful, I'm speechless!

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      Thank you ma'am, glad you found it that way!

  • 4 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Very powerful. Glad to see it nominated. All the best

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it

  • 4 months ago

    by chrissy carter

    Well said!

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      Thank you!

  • 4 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    SC - Sorry i didnt see this sooner. such a powerful piece..
    Im glad its up for nomination..

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      All good, glad you like it USB

  • 4 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Holy guacamole. This write resonates with me and I think you have such a powerful voice in your poetry. It's raw and unyielding and often uncomfortable, especially to confront the dark, or to express the way we feel suffocated. This reminded me of the cruel hold an anxiety or panic attack can have, of not only momentary but continually feeling like your lungs could give out or your life crushed.

    All we want is to believe we are breathing, to not have our mind conflicting with every other part of our body. Anxiety traps us and we feel we cannot escape it. That's a reality for many of us, though we may have times of clarity and relief.

    Striking piece. So glad to see this nominated.

    • 4 months ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, I'm glad it resonated with you. Anxiety is something I've never had until recently, and it's every bit as you've described. Some find the light and some turn to medicine. I'm in limbo :)

  • 3 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    The medication within itself is a powerful and yet unsettling experience.
    To be filled with depression and anxiety is enough to make a person feel
    powerless and yet to be willing to take such a medication shows strength
    to overcome depression. It's two fold in my opinion. This poem is very raw and
    has opened the door to a ton of emotion,
    I cant express how powerful this poem is.... its amazing!

  • 2 months ago

    by Darren

    judges comment

    When you read a poem by Maher you have to brace yourself for a journey through the darkness, the poet holds your hand and leads you through a tale of imagery and intrigue. Those first two lines grab your attention immediately. Then the next two lines push you down the hole. Here you amble along until the last line when you muse over the whole piece, then invariably read the poem again. Great work 4 points.