to walk alone
in the darkness of day
watchers Ignore your tears of pain
as you stand at the edge of a dark cliff
looking down upon jagged rocks
aching to bond with death,
choosing life takes
Rictameter is a scheme similar to Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Then down again, 8, 6, 4, 2 Making the final line the same two syllable word you began with.
‘Choosing life takes courage.’
A true, powerful statement
7 months ago
This is such a sad emotional write.
It does take courage to walk alone, and I think people underestimate this feeling. No one can truly understand what someone else goes though and it is heartbreaking when they stare at you looking like you are crazy. I think the people who judge the most are the ones who truly do not understand depression.
The reader feels your pain with the middle line and it is clear that this person is depressed. I do like how you used dark in front of cliff, it gives it a more gloomy feel and if you already are standing on a cliff, I can see a dark sky possibly rain. That aesthetic is there.
I like the downward part because it really feels like you are falling into more and more negative thoughts. But that ending is surprising and I did not expect it, because it shows that this person is stronger than they think they are and choosing to live is a really difficult decision when you are faced head on with the reaper.
Overall I loved this writing. The story is fantastic and you wrote the form well. It doesn't feel forced at all and the story stays true throughout. <3