Comments : Angels Drown In Ink

  • 2 months ago

    by Jamie

    I connect to what I feel this poem means more than even I know. The basic meaning behind the poem I feel is that you cannot read your diary/journal anymore because it is full of negative emotions and reading it back feeds your depression well.

    But- There is so much more depth to this piece. One thing I want to point out that I don't think anyone with a keen eye will, is the irony- because this very well could be a page or two in a journal.

    I do love the metaphors you dressed up here. They do work well because I feel you left the reader enough leeway to know how you are feeling.

    Noisy monsters could be a ton of possibilities, but you used one sentence to explain all the negative emotions and possibly mental health you are going through. Why immortalize depression? There is no real reason. I always feel when a person is struggling the most, the "Angel's" aka happiness, your support etc are never there for you. So... using devilishly was an excellent choice.

    Most of the time when we are out at lowest we struggle to get the words out, and they turn out to just be blotches (as you say). And this goes back to my point, no one wants to read their depression on paper. It is oft heartbreaking and makes us feel worse.

    You can lament about how much you have cried but in the end we ourselves have to pick us back up and keep going. I do believe depression devours any beauty it touches which explains the rose.

    The part with "no", then the rose, rainclouds etc, kind of reminds me of having a black cloud hanging over your head all the time. That to me is the way you explained the depression here.

    I do love how you repeated the first and last lines.

    Anyway- The dedication to this piece is stunning, the emotional ties are well put together and the metaphors are perfect to describe what you are feeling.

  • 2 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Such a perceptive comment, Jamie. Thank you.

  • 2 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Ben I absolutely love the concept of this poem as well as the beautiful words used to craft it. You excel in all forms of poetry and this is perfect as a free verse. I'll be thinking about this for a while :-) x
    =^.^=

  • 2 months ago

    by Brenda

    Ben, absolutely love this! I pictured this so perfectly in my head as I read your words. Well done good sir, well done-

    • 2 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks for reading, Brenda; glad you could relate.

  • 2 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Kitty says it all. You are beyond a 'hobby poet'

    • 2 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Not sure about that, Michael, but thanks anyway. Congratulations on your win this week, by the way.

  • 2 months ago

    by Michael

    Ben,
    Just class fella, M :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I am completely blown away Ben. All the very best and keep on writing my friend

  • 2 months ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Stunning. I really love the imagery you crafted. I've read and re-read each and every line and it's just really a beautiful poem.

    "why would anyone want to read words crafted from
    and garnished in their own tears anyway?"

    ^ This is so true. We all write about our sorrows and our heart aches. We ask why would people want to read our words that only bring pain... I think it's because we can all relate. We all feel and sometimes it's good to know that our heartache is heard and we aren't alone.

    "Dreams desert us so very quickly, 
    while nightmares fester in our marrow;"
    ^ I love this line! It's true that pleasant dreams vanish very quickly, almost immediately after getting out of bed. Yet if it's a nightmare, they cling to our bones and fester within our minds. Great imagery here
    Love the "fester in our marrow".

    I do have one small little critique, not even that, maybe an error to point out.

    In both the beginning and the end you say "I have stopped writing my diary"... it could just be the way I'm reading it but it sounds like it is missing something. Should it be, I have stopped writing in my diary? Or are you writing this confession to your diary, giving it personification? Calling it yours... "I have stopped writing, my diary" should there be a comma there to signify that?

    If I'm wrong in either aspect, I apologize. I'm the type that points out small details, but it is constructive criticism. Not in the least to hurt your feelings! I hope if you ever find something of mine, even the slightest thing that you would pinpoint it out!

    Overall, a beautiful poem that I'm so glad someone already nominated. Great job. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

    • 2 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      A brilliant comment, Hannah and all little pointers taken on board. No, it wasn't meant to be addressed to the diary itself, but I do understand that it could sound a little off the way it is. I just feel by adding the 'in' makes it sound a little clunky. Not sure. Anyway, thank you so much.

  • 2 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Ben, how beautifully depicted the reasons for not writing a diary. You have such an amazing way with words that carries the reader into realms and descriptions that they could never imagined. Superb as always. Milly x

  • 2 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Who knows a poet's mind?
    I imagine leafing through the archives of past tears; searching for some gem amongst the chaff. Somehow, when the hands of time sweep away the pain of the moment, the words become tarnished and mean less. Why?
    Perhaps, these memories are only meant for our darkest dreams...
    Best keep them from our silver screens, eh?

    Ben, superb as usual. I'm probably way off with my drivel, but your words always make me think, so thank you.

    • 2 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Great insight, Michael; thank you.

  • 2 months ago

    by CJ Maleney

    I used to have a diary Ben.

    It was full of random things.
    I burned it many many years ago
    But it did not not stop me writing.

    Perhaps parameters and parchment
    Were simply not for my mind
    But in ways I still record thought and deed
    Because we can't leave them behind.

    For every joyous tale we spin
    There will be one filled with woe
    You need to keep a diary of sorts

    FOR A WAY TO LET THINGS GO!

    one way or another dude.

    Keep the story, if not documented it is forgotten and worthless to anyone other than self.

    Respect as always.

    Craig

    • 2 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      What a fabulous comment, Craig

  • 1 month ago

    by Hope

    I understand....great poem.