References of my life

Water-coloured tears drip-
rolling and weaving through crimson twilled petals;
petals that sagged, dying in the absence of love.
love that torments me, without its presence. Lost.

lost-
like that of memories once shared,
unable to breath, from lungs filled with dementia;
a cancerous fight, lost in an argument.

such grief.

Once a shiny, resplendent flower;
brushed upon a velvety canvas
In rich swirls of acrylic.

I stretched my wings;
like a fledgling hatching from a preliminary world-
then pulled through mothers earthy womb
with the hands of nature.

my past
caught up with my growth
from where a family tree had suffered
with one of blight; a bad apple
rotten to the core.

-poisoned
like ivy;
creeping its vine-
trawling its hands through the bed and crawling
over youthful skin.
unbeknown to me at the time, a despicable act of trust
that would damage my roots forever.
polluted with soiled-secrets,
where whispers were buried and
lips sealed.

another seed sewn.

I started to wilt heavily;
a feeling of being pulled down with force,
the temperature of my moods fluctuated-
some days roasting in anxiety and others-
shivering with depression,
becoming a shining example
of diminished responsibility
self-loathing; unattractive-
wishing the afterbirth of me lived
-drowning beneath
a vacant twilight;
the palette of the moon lies empty;
devoid of inspiration
thick dark charcoal-clouds smudge over stars
blinding the sparkly eyes of the night

so alone. so afraid.
dwelling in a texture of darkness;
a black desolate pasture

So alone.
like an orphan of nature-
not good enough to be picked for
a bouquet

I just wanted to perish-
gently handed down by the wind
down to the waiting earth to adopt me

I yearned.

the orange of the sun,
pushed is way through the maddening clouds-
burrowing its rays deep to unearth a
sense of understanding;
I followed the scent of therapy;
to a place where empathy blossomed

-the process of restoring my picture, continues.

and my poetry will continue
to be written in references
of my life.