Comments : Refuge

  • 2 months ago

    by Daniel

    Some really pretty imagery here. I enjoy the concept, and as a whole, it works. I think the final stanza is stark in its simplicity, and enjoyable.

    My main criticism of this poem is the second stanza, which is a little confusing in how it’s written

    ‘the music
    plays a scratchy
    memory of a
    needle on a
    record’

    Music is used here as the subject of the sentence, and it doesn’t work. Unless you change ‘plays’ to a better verb.

    To ‘a’ favourite tune, is also too general to evoke any meaning. What is the song? What is the stanza other than a play on words? From love poems, it’s personal, but I love detail, significance, rich imagery. The second stanza takes me away from the beauty in the first stanza.

    I still enjoyed the other two thirds though, especially the part about the earth hungry for beauty. :)

    • 2 months ago

      by Tanya Southey

      Daniel thank you for this. It's the only line in the poem that I wasn't happy with myself. I will have a rethink :) Also, I didn't want to name the song as I want to poem to have universal appeal, but I get what you are saying.

  • 2 months ago

    by Brenda

    Tanya, love your visuals in this write. So much longing for what once was and perhaps is actually gone?

    • 2 months ago

      by Tanya Southey

      Thank you! It is meant to evoke that universal longing we all have for something that is gone, so glad it resonated.

  • 2 months ago

    by naaz

    Tanya, this poem is telling us how well you are doing in your 52 words 52 weeks challenge because it is Beautiful!

    I loved the last stanza.

    All the best!

    • 2 months ago

      by Tanya Southey

      Thanks so much. My friend who has been gifting me her street photography to pair with my poems on Facebook and Instagram has kept me so inspired.

  • 2 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Your poetry always flows with a sort of gentleness that puts me at ease. I felt yearning and also a comfort we draw for holding those memories close, knowing what will never be fully forgotten.

    • 2 months ago

      by Tanya Southey

      That's such great feedback. Thank you x

  • 2 months ago

    by Jamie

    Congrats on your win

  • 2 months ago

    by Darren

    Congrats on your win, a deserved award.

  • 2 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Congrats on the win, Tanya! Lovely piece

    • 2 months ago

      by Tanya Southey

      Oh, wow! Thank you, I was not expecting this :)

  • 1 month ago

    by Darren

    judges comment
    This is a simple poem elegantly written. I have chose this as my 4 pointer because it is a great example of flow. It reads beautifully and has a calming tone. There is enough imagery to make it interesting and the poem forces a smile at its conclusion. I just loved the whole pace of this. Very calm and relaxing.