Sweat Pants

by Beautiful Tragedy   Nov 28, 2018


I thought I was fine.
In fact I thought I was doing perfectly okay as I walked out to the car to help your mom bring in the rest of my things;
Ignoring the absence of your presence like it almost never existed in order to keep myself from hurting.
Your mom told me before she left that you bawled packing my things and I;
I’d dismissed the statement and ignored the lingering words as I tried to
push back the images of you sobbing while throwing my clothes into garbage bags for her to bring to me.
I got almost all the way through my things when I found a special pair of my sweat pants;
The ones that I’d constantly fought with you over for a year on whose they were because you loved them so much-
And when I picked them up I lost it.
Every emotion i had shoved down in the last two weeks since we broke up
came pouring out in sobs as my delicate walls broke and I crumbled to my apartment floor,
Unable to breathe.
Part of me wants to text you;
And tell you that they’re your pants and ask why you packed them with my things but I know I can’t do that.
I can’t do that because that will show that i still love you;
And that will only make things harder for the both us.
So instead I let the numbness wash
over me and I gently place the pants on the table away from the rest of my things and continue to unpack-
Knowing they will be right beside my pillow for me to hold close tonight.

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