Comments : Emotiana

  • 5 years ago

    by Hellon

    Where do I begin? I can see me coming back to this over and over but for now this just has to be my favourite verse

    Then the heavens fold as a book;
    pages bow and covers seize.
    Chapters that wrote themselves
    lose their words while under siege.

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Hellon, glad you enjoyed it :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Ren

    This is some amazing stuff dude! Love button has been pressed for sure (<3)^Boop!

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks dude, glad you like it enough to Boop the button :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Some really great lines and superb imagery. Glad to see it nominated. Milly x

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Milly, glad you like it :)

  • 5 years ago

    by D.

    I really enjoyed this, bar the frequent repetition at the beginning - I think you can afford to be more subtle than this, especially since it’s the title, too! In fact, beginning the poem from the second stanza would arguably make it stronger. I don’t feel the first stanza adds anything, especially the ‘lie/cry/die’ rhyme scheme, and the repetition towards the end would be much more effective. Just my opinion, of course, but there are some great moments here.

    “Your hurt rises like stars
    on a cloudless Summer night.
    You strut in, as a storm,
    and bid the rain to dim their light.
    What shall it be, Emotiana?
    That I stray outside, stuck in you?
    For you to briefly show the way,
    then scold me when I move?

    I need you to die,
    Emotiana.”

    I just think that’s really lovely and powerful, and would be more so if it wasn’t a repeated sentiment from the first.

    • 5 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, good Sir, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks also for the feedback, it really is very much appreciated. It's a real compliment that you read it thoroughly enough to notice the nagging repetition. It must have annoyed you and you're dead right, it would be much more powerful without it, but it's an imperfection I threw in to remind me of the repetitious things I went through with someone that very thoroughly annoyed and hurt me. That's what this song is based on and I'm glad to see someone out there picked up on it :)