This gave me shivers reading. This was so personal to read, especially the specific part about California, but I hope and pray you keep that dream alive. That is something to hold on to. This piece read as just a dark snippet yet a reality that you face every day. It brought back memories of waking up and not knowing what to expect, of coming home and wondering if the silence meant it was my dad's anger taking a rest, only to come back stronger than ever.

Oh, and welcome to this site. I hope it's a safe haven for you and also somewhere where you are able to share and express the emotions that you need to get out. Please keep writing! You have support on here and I hope indeed that better things are on their way.