For Grambo

**This is written in memory of my Grandma (nickname Grambo, inside joke) and it was quite tragic for me since it was the first close family member I have lost. I wrote this the day after I found out and well I was feeling sorta lost and hopeless which made this a poem pretty much unlike any I've ever written. It's very long and prolly not the best but it helped me get through it and anyone that reads it and comments I'd just like to say thanks, thanks a lot**

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You sit there
In your bed
Sheets in pale
Bland shades
Perfectly folded
Canopy overhead
Reaching out its limbs
Down...down...
Grabbing the bars
On the sides of your bed
Keeping you in like a caged animal
And like a caged animal you want to escape
Escape...escape...
This white
Immaculate prison
They call a room
Generic wallpaper and color schemes
Chasing away all seeds of happiness
That try to find their home in this
Emotionless prison
That they call a room
No wonder you want to escape
The scene is enough to depress anyone
Machines checking vital signs
Odds and ends
Of things you used to enjoy
Lying untouched
Longing for your familiar feel again
Containers of untouched food
And drink
You had a couple bites for breakfast
Now lunch is come
And yet you still have no hunger
But I don't blame you
Being caged in this prison
Just longing to run free
Longing to escape this cage
Decor void of happiness
Of emotion
Of hope
Just like you
In that respect
I don't blame you for your lack of hunger
Hunger for food
For drink
For joy
For will
For hope
For life
But then hope arrives
In form of flesh
And blood
I see your frail body lying there
A woman once so strong
Now lies crippled
You seemed to be invincible
Unaffected by time
But you truly aren't crippled
While your body might lie there
All skin and bones
You're pale
Your hair is thin and a mess
You have lost use of your left arm
As your hand lies there
Across your torso
Swollen
Unmoving
But no you aren't crippled
I can see it in your eyes
Your body may be crippled
But your soul isn't
While your body is weak
Your soul is still strong
I can see it in your eyes
I can see the strength
The will to live that has made it possible
These last few years
Despite a quadruple bypass
Despite leukemia
The tests
The medications
The transfusions
The constant visits to the doctor
The black and blue blood spots
And bruises on your arms
Caused by the slightest bump
You still remained strong
For us
You stayed alive
For us
And I can still see the strength
In your eyes
I can see the strength you still have
In your eyes
I can see the strength you still have
Lying in that hospital bed
Longing to be free
For your soul to be free from this pain
But still you hang in there
For us
I see your strength
And I admire you for it
Because I can't seem to find any
In myself
I don't have the strength
To see you like this
I wish you were like I remember
Lively
Humorous
Enjoying life despite everything
I force myself to look at you
At what your body's been reduced to
I force back the tears
That threaten to break free
And run down my face
I don't have the strength
To say a word
I try to
But the words just get in the way
These unspoken words
That tell how much I love you
How much you mean to me
How I wish things could be like they were
How I don't want to say goodbye
How I know the end is near
And still I can't
I don't have the strength to say all these things
Even though you have the strength to lie there
So I say nothing
And hope you read my mind
Read all these unspoken words
I long to say to you
As you lie there in your bed
Sheets still pale
Same bland shades
Perfectly folded still
As I leave
I say my silent farewell
I read everything in your eyes
As hope came to you this day
Hope that came in the form of
Flesh and blood
Hope that you will get better
That things will be like before
That you will be freed from your cage
That they call a room
But sometimes hope isn't enough...
And now you are finally free
You're free
To run wherever you please
In heaven
Your soul is free
You are finally free again
Though things can never be the same..