Forget

by Tessa   Jan 1, 2005


I tried to say i'm sorry
that i bore my sins on you
i tried to say i love you
that i never meant the cool
I never meant to lie
the evils that i faced
I never meant to fall
to my own disgrace
But as i lay here now
broken thoughts shattered
I realize how blundered
to bring an end to game

I never was alive
i hope you realized this
I never was comprised
or meant to feel such bliss
inside my own corpse shell
the pain was only ally
against the swarm of feeling
that slowly took my site

So i say i'm sorry
for breaking you apart
so i say i'm sorry
because my selfish heart
never meant to drag one down
corrupt one to my hate
never meant to touch you
for fear that you'd break

My knowledge was my ignorance
a fatal blow start
my bleeding heart a curse
that led me to the dirt
make amends to love you dear
i never thought i would
common sense alone dear
forget me as you should

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  • 19 years ago

    by Tessa

    This is one of my older poems, so naturally it's going to have some or many areas that need work, though my word choice in some areas may seem akward to people it's more something that you have to read repeatedly in order to get. Well that's my thought's anyway.

  • 19 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "I realize how blundered
    to bring an end to game "
    those two lines are a bit jumbled, I would add a few more words in to help them make sense
    (eg.
    I realize how I blundered
    and brought an end to this game )

    "the pain was only ally
    against the swarm of feeling
    that slowly took my site "
    1. the first line should have a "my" somewhere in there in my opinion
    2. the last word of the last line seems to be a strange choice. I can't tell if you mean like a website site, or a place site, or if you meant seeing SIGHT. I think the last one makes the most sense. If you meant either of the other onces, I'd use the word "place"

    "corrupt one to my hate
    never meant to touch you "
    -corrupt one WITH my hate seems better
    -i think you should start the second sentence with an "I"

    the last stanza seemed a bit jumpy to me too, but I think you can keep it that way for effect.

    I hope you didn't mind the honest criticism, and if you did, then go ahead and disregard it.
    Best of luck,
    Sean Allen

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