Earth hath fallen

by pinkalias   Jan 6, 2005


*note* I was just reviewing this and realized the beginning is completly weak. I will try to alter it when I have time, untill then, do your best to ignore the pathetic rhym scheme*

Watch upon this deadened mound, it hath a story here to tell
A tale of which born of symphonies then ends in scorching hell
A moment of disaster which lasted an eternity of lies
A song which began in soaring whispers and ended in shallow cries

stars outside are dying, the sun is drying through
oceans seem to disappear and the world crumbles beneath you
you are the monster of disaster and the reflection of remorse
Your eyes are burned in storms and your voice breaks the sky with force

A mirror of night which doth portray the years
the moments drizzled lightly of treasured eternal tears
the floods of tragedy tied with flowing rivers of the new
The planets of mourning circled round the judgment long since overdue

Amazing are the secrets yet to be told, for the world not be ready for such glorious towers
Forests of lost, skies beheld to be found, stars of night's ongoing hours
Flowers seem too precious to be handled among the ruin whilst the wars do rage
These raptures shall not falter until the world does turn it's wretched page

Watch the evergreen, does it not display the toil?
Scorched and embedded beauty whilst the rivers boil
This was our Eden, look what upon we've ravaged
Angels we were taught to lead, but displayed a race of savaged

What a disaster we have sprung upon this innocence of splendor
The answer the question begs to lead a song of sweet surrender
Gaze upon those waterfalls which had once brought faithful tidings
now dried upon the cursed sand,removed of feathered sidings

Away have flown the pieces of faith which once beheld inspiration
Those lovely creatures seem to have died in mounts of mancipation
These sheltering beauties which had been born upon this blessed land
Had sung only to have wings shattered and be buried amongst the sand

What have you to say now, fallen angels of the forsaken?
Inside this mass of beauty which we all had bruised and shaken
We had the heaven on our planet, we bore the golden gates
Now we live born to despair and bearing Satan's weights

Way away, a life of broken thorns
Lies tangled to mass of malicious ridden torns
what of this haven of solitude we've burned into submission
conquered by our constant neglect of dignity's restitution

what being sees not the beauty beheld before the earth wrapped in a cloth of velvet and stars
mine eyes are blind and seem to be veiled for all i can behold are battle scars

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  • 12 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    Another brilliant piece! You have such an amazing way with words! The entire piece is just wow...but this really caught my eye:

    "A song which began in soaring whispers and ended in shallow cries"

    Oh and I adored this stanza...made for a very powerful ending:

    "what being sees not the beauty beheld before the earth wrapped in a cloth of velvet and stars
    mine eyes are blind and seem to be veiled for all i can behold are battle scars"

    Great job~Holly

  • 12 years ago

    by Amilo

    I really liked it. It's almost like a story with a few empty holes on how the fallen earth came to be. The language was marvelous, entrancing from the first line, despite what you've said about it being a weak beginning. In fact, I thought the beginning was quite good - I can imagine some mystical voice, wistfully speaking while a dead mound - the remains of a terrible disaster - is shown.

    And yet, I think perhaps you've spent too many stanzas on description, and if you removed some of the lesser significant ones or lesser developed ones, it would make the poem a bit smoother in flow.

    But overall I thought you did an excellent job.

    "These raptures shall not falter until the world does turn it's wretched page"

    it's should be its.
    it's is equivalent to "it is", while "its" means "belonging to someone"

  • 12 years ago

    by Elizabeth Ann

    "Some find it necessary to pinpoint the meaning of a poem to find it enjoyable...as for me, however in my case I suspect I've a pretty good idea in this case, I believe a poem is meant, broadly, to inspire the reader with it's weave...that is the word placement and the context in whch they are used. Where eventually, something compeletely foreign to the original impression is created, keeping that ones poem alive through their talent of simply context and words".
    This poece seems another segment of you earlier two, however I see no particular order they would need to be in. I'm curious as to whether you plan to write a short story using these three pieces: The World, Absent Angel, and Earth hath fallen?

  • 12 years ago

    by Ironic Allure

    I'm not sure whether this is just me, But I really have no clue what this poem's going on about. I'm sure that it's truely beautiful, but poems structured in such a complex way, using such extensive vocabulary do really confuse me.
    However, this could just be because it's not what I'm used to reading/writing myself.

    I must say though:
    'What have you to say now, fallen angels of the forsaken?
    Inside this mass of beauty which we all had bruised and shaken'

    ..Those lines are beautiful. Very powerful and emotive.
    Well done.
    I'm sorry I'm not more appreciative, but It's not my sort of style really.
    Take care of yourself.
    All my love,
    Laura.

  • 12 years ago

    by Ironic Allure

    I'm not sure whether this is just me, But I really have no clue what this poem's going on about. I'm sure that it's truely beautiful, but poems structured in such a complex way, using such extensive vocabulary do really confuse me.
    However, this could just be because it's not what I'm used to reading/writing myself.

    I must say though:
    'What have you to say now, fallen angels of the forsaken?
    Inside this mass of beauty which we all had bruised and shaken'

    ..Those lines are beautiful. Very powerful and emotive.
    Well done.
    I'm sorry I'm not more appreciative, but It's not my sort of style really.
    Take care of yourself.
    All my love,
    Laura.