You Don't Know Me

I've hid secrets in my soul,
terrors on my heart.
There's been pain in my life
and nightmares from the start.

Abuse and rape are their deep within my soul
Pain that's antagonizing,
It tears down all my goals.

You may think I'm so happy.
strong, hopeful, and free.
But, you don't know my heart.
You don't know me.

I would never let anyone in.
Around my heart, there's a thick wall.
Depression, stress, and hate
was how I felt all along.

People hurt me and now I'm angry
because I see other's lives so nice.
Mine was like a walk through hel
and theirs' all sugar and spice.

You may think you know me
but, really, you don't.
And, if you ever want to get close to me,
Forget it. You won't.

I don't give up my heart
and, I won't let anyone in.
I won't tell you I love you
and I will never smile and grin.

On the outside I may look happy
But you can't see inside.
You can't see how I hurt
All of this pain I hide.

Don't try to get close.
Just let me be.
You don't know what it's like.
You don't know me.

I don't want to get hurt again.
I don't want to cry.
I don't want a shoulder to lean on.
and I don't want you by my side.

Don't you see why?
I have such pain in me
it will only ruin things.
Just go away, that's my plea.

My pain will drag you down
and cause stress in your life.
I don't want you to hurt, too.
I want you to feel alive.

Just please listen when I say this
and trust me and believe.
You don't want me in your life.
You don't know me.

* This is a very personal poem for me. Can you please comment??*