Comments : Dreams for Sale

  • 18 years ago

    by No Motiv?

    wow....not much I can say....beautiful poem, though. I enjoyed it a lot....good work.

  • 18 years ago

    by pinkalias

    I admit, it's not one of my favorites from you.

    Generally I really liked it for the meaning which you portrayed in the symbols was beautiful and poignant. But, I do think the symbols of which you used were far too bluntly stated

    "and the jar of love slip past your fingers
    love has already betrayed you."

    "you purchase the jar of joy"

    "happiness is not for sale"

    I think these words are far too commonly used to be taken into poetic substance. My advice: use more profound words with the same meaning, or definition of the material in the "jars" which you use. I think it would come out more poetically structured that way.

    I did love these lines though,
    "dreams for sale
    in classic glass jars rimmed
    with a reflective silver, "
    Lovely imagery and symbolism and imagery portrayed.

    ummm I'm rating it a four because since you added the explanation of the piece I can add it into all of your stanzas and see the full meaning, but I still don't think this is your best.

  • 18 years ago

    by FTS Miles

    Admittedly, if it had not been for your explanation at the beginning of the poem, I would have thought you were talking about the dark seductions of drugs... how they never truly are the answer but perhaps for an ever shortening moment.

    In that light, it was an interesting walk. With the explanation, I felt that the words were perhaps too blatant, too cliché.

    That said, there's a certain resonance to the cliché considering what you did explain... after all, sometimes clichés are axioms as well as ubiquitized statements.

  • 18 years ago

    by Tammy

    Nice write! I truly enjoyed it. Great imagination.
    Take care & God bless