This Scar Is For...

I can't live this life anymore
I'm so sick of this endless strife
All I do is cut and cry
So why bother to live this life?

I've tried so hard to move on
And forget about my past
But the memories are branded in my head
They stay forever, they last

How can I forget the death of Danielle
Or my father's powerful fists
I can't because they're carved into my skin
The stories are carved in my wrists

This scar right here is for my love
Who decided to leave me one day
The memories with him I just can't forget
This scar just won't go away

This big, deep scar on my wrist
Was my first attempt to die
Danielle found me, called for help
This scar is visible to the eye

This scar around my ankle
Was the first one I had made
After 5 long months in the hospital bed
I carved it with my blade

All these little tiny scars
Are for the countless times I got high
Just so I wouldn't feel the pain of the cuts
So the time would just pass by

Two other scars etched deep in my wrists
Was when I found Danielle dead
This marks my second suicide attempt
I left, just covered in red

This “x” carved onto my hip
Is a reminder that I self-harm
A reminder just for me
For this time, it’s not on my arm

All the new cuts on my right arm
Are for the times that I was beat by my dad
Day by day they add up
These cuts just makes me sad

All the other scars
Whether big or small
Tell the story of my messed up life
The heart breaks, the tears and all

And I’ve tried to stop the cutting
But I’m addicted to the pain
So I’ll cut for the rest of my life
Without having anything to gain

I know that it sounds really bad
I don’t want to stay the same
I’m never able to change myself
And I know I’m the one to blame

My blade is always to be found
Whenever I’m in need
My blade is always there for me
When I feel the urge to bleed

Last time I counted my scars were 193
But now I know it’s more
For that count was taken 2 weeks ago
So now they count 224

I’m trying to find the will deep inside of me
To stop the cutting forever
But with the rate at which I’m going
It seems that I won’t stop… ever

*I don't know... I just needed to get all my feelings down on paper... I was just looking at every single scar and trying to remember what my reason for cutting myself was... Please comment*

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