Weakness Takes Over

*It's long but please read all of it*

Sitting in my room alone
Having nothing to do
Except think about this messed up life
And everything I've been through

Only about five days ago
I made a mistake I've made before
I almost died from a cut too deep
I almost died once more

I've been messing with my life
Far too many times
So once and for all I've decided
To stop these suicidal crimes

With my lights turned off
I cower under my covers
I somehow remember my ex
And how we were inseparable lovers

Forget him... I was better
He is one of the causes of this life
He is one of the many people
Who forced me to pick up the knife

I get up out of bed
I walk towards my closet door
I remember the countless times I've been beaten there
Too many times before

Forget my dad... he’s not my dad
I wish he would just go away
And stop hurting me over and over
Each and every day

I open my drawer and take out a box
Where I keep all my memories made
Drugs, lighters, bloody paper
Danielle’s picture and my shiny blade

How ironic for these two objects
To be close to one another
And now I feel I must choose
Between one or the other

Of course I'll take my dear Danielle
She was my best friend forever
I miss her presence dearly
But I know she won't come back ever

And as I pick up Danielle's picture
I say "I'll never pick up that blade
I'm f u c k ing with my life too much"
And I remember the promise made

Soon my “dad” walks into my room
Seeming angrier than ever before
He throws me into my closet
And beats me once more

I lay there in my closet
Writhing in so much pain
Once again I feel I’m left dying
And this life gives me nothing to gain

And the one person I would turn to
Is never there anymore
She just had to take her precious life
And leave me here with my heart so sore

I get up out of the closet
Tears leaking through my eyes
I live this life, having no choice
It’s not so hard to realize

I go through my drawer
And through the box of pain
I look at the picture and the blade
And begin to contemplate again

My mind is so confused
I don’t know what to do
My mind decides to take the blade
And push the tip right through

Why I decided to do this
Is way beyond me
I feel like this won’t be the last
I don’t think it will ever be

I got over the drugs
But I’m addicted to the pain
With the blade I take shape
And feel I’m somewhat sane

I clean up the bloody mess
And go back to my covers and hide
I’m back to where I started
With the cuts adding side by side

*I know, I know... "stop cutting", right? I'm trying to stop but I just can't for some reason*

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