Being Bulimic-when time becomes frozen

by Jordan   May 23, 2005


***I am struggling with bulimia and this poem really means a lot to me. So I would appreciate it if you would comment. It means more to me than you will ever know. Thanks***

“What’s wrong?” I hear from behind
Mommy’s asking me
My face turns ghostly white
“Nothing, just leave me be”

I walk down the hallway
Close the bathroom door
Lock it hard behind me
And sink down to the floor

I turn on the water
Make it run along
Stick my fingers down my throat
I tried to hold strong

I grip onto the seat
As my eyes begin tear
Look who I’ve become
Someone that I fear

I feel like such a failure
Tears stream down my face
I’m disappearing slowly
I’ll be gone without a trace

I wish for help all the time
But what am I to do?
I’m the one who made this choice
And it’s this I’ve put myself through

I flush my sorrows down
And turn back off the sink
I find my bottle of mouthwash
And give it a little drink

I swish it all around
As I think of what I’ve done
I look into the mirror
What have I become?

Mom knocks on the door
My heart begins to race
I turn back on the water
And start to wash my face

“Mom I’ll be out soon,
I just need to get my make up off”
I think she said ok
But she said it so soft

I think she knows my secret
My biggest of regrets
Maybe if I just tell her
She’ll let me off, I bet

I open up the door
To see her standing there
She doesn’t say a word to me
Just runs her fingers through my hair

“Baby I know what you’re doing
I used to do it too,
I wanted it to be different
I didn’t want this to happen with you

I tried to tell myself
That this wasn’t really true
I didn’t think that with all I’ve done
It could ever happen to you”

“What are you talking about mom?”
I try to act so blind
I can not let on to her
My arms are in a bind

“I am really tired
I need to go to sleep”
I want to hid my secret
Bury it real deep

I go into my room
Turn off my light
Try to close my eyes
And then sleep on through the night

Morning comes again
And I finally awake
I put on another smile
One that I must fake

I’ll do it all day long
Until I lock the bathroom door
And then again I will sink
Back onto the floor

***ps I would also like to thank every single person whos read, commented, or voted on this poem. Thanks!***

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Vanessa Lea

    I've been bulemic for almost 18 months now, and this poem is almost exactly my story. My mother was also bulemic at my age, and although she knows what I do, we rarely talk about it. I hope you get better and I live hoping for the same for myself every day. Some things just seem impossible to escape.

  • 10 years ago

    by shell

    That is really extremly touching. Half of these poems on this site that is written as well as tht touch me in one way or another. I have had experience of best friend going through tht n i have tried it myself. It made me cry and really felt it deep down.
    Beutifully writtin well done.

  • 11 years ago

    by Twisted Mind Broken Soul

    Hey girl i love this poem it was so deep, I'm also bulimic so I know exactly what your going thru!!!! people don't know I'm to afraid to let my friends know because they'll tell my mom, but I'm getting to the point where all I can do all day is lay on my bed and cry! i haven't ate for like a week now n i can barely even move! But keep in touch with me I think i could get along with you very well thx hun bye 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Lying To Live

    I really hope your ok and this poem is truly a great piece of work ... XoX

  • 11 years ago

    by emmaroo

    Wow you comented on my poem n i promised to do one back its such a strong poem with raw emotion n i love how it is written xxxxx
    emma