My Lost City

by Brian King   Jun 7, 2005


So fragile and refined, just like Atlantis
You rapidly turn fierce, you’re a praying mantis

Your qualities are so delicate,
Your wit is sharp I shave with it

You’re more precious than any queen
You give me a hype stronger than caffeine

You hide your beautiful and radiating features
Remain protected by vicious sea creatures

Under the waves you stay quite secluded
From many detailed explorations you’ve eluded

So deep down you shirk away
But I will reveal you one day

Your walk, your smile and your waves
So perfect you’d never come to my raves

Your voice is heaven, but your quiet
It’s driving me crazy, I could start a riot

Alas for now you’re corrupt and deadly, my mantis
I will change that, you’re my lost city… My Atlantis

Plz comment on how i could improve this and advice on the title i had a few idea but picked this

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by WakingFreedom

    Yes i agree with Sarah,
    You rhymes do seem to be forced.
    but i liked it......4/5 Keep up the work. =)

  • 18 years ago

    by Little Dot

    I think this title works really well with your poem. Your rhymes seem forced in parts of this poem. You could try to put more emotion into the poem. It has a nice rhythme but I think you could improve some of the verses.