My Obession

You will never know how I feel when I cut deep into my body to explain what my heart can not say. I long to feel happy, yet I never want to because I haven't been for so long. I'm scared of it... yet my darkness keeps my alive. My own reality keeps me moving. The blooding dotting up on my body as I carve words that won't reach my vocal cords into my body...on my wrist, my stomach, my thigh. And how it feels so good....You say there's something wrong with me, but there's not. I'm fine. It's my way of crying, and why oh why can't you just see that? I'm tired of people telling me to just stop...it's not that easy. It's an addiction like drugs. You can't stop even if you want to...not that I want to...but if I did, I wouldn't be able to because I love the pain and the blood and the words so much. You'll never stop at just a certain number...you'll keep climbing until you *can* call yourself a serious cutter. And yet, everything still goes wrong. I feel so alone, yet I have all my friends surronding me. I trust no one...welcome to depression. I hate everyone and thing and if it wasn't for my friends, I would not still be here. Life is a game that I do not want to win...why can't you just let me go? I am no use....

Nothing is harder than fighting for something you do not want...