Untitled1

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Jul 4, 2005


She couldn't live without him,
She didn't want to try,
But her light would dim,
The night he died.
See, he meant everything to her,
But this he did not know,
And since a broken life has no cure,
He let the blood flow.
He was hurt inside,
And didn't want to go on,
So he bade goodbye,
As his suicide was done.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Soraya Lowe

    Aww

    Sad...but I really like this.

    Umm...title, title...A Dark Goodbye, perhaps?

    Kinda stupid, I know...idk

    Anyway, REALLY like this! Really cool...really sad.

    5/5
    Keep writing!

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    I thought it was a pretty good poem. I was hoping for a little more description and maybe a longer poem but that's just me. The flow was pretty good so you didn't have problems there. Overall I think it's a four.

  • 17 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    My Last One For Today, i'll Do 10 More Tomorrow & So On.. Also, Until i've done 76(The # You Have Written As Of Today) You Will Be On My Faves And i Will Add Anymore You Write Onto That Number..(i Figure if i Do The 'Month" Thing i'll Never Finish. xD)

    ** if That Makes Absolutely No Sense WhatsoEver.. Just Tell Me.**

  • 17 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    It was ok, good not great..

    it could be longer.. to give more details.

    one other thing- i think these two lines should be switched-
    But this he did not know,
    And since a broken life has no cure,
    ((and the 'but'should be removed)

    also- the as in the last line i think could use some work. im not sure if you wanted it to rhyme with this line or not(And didn't want to go on) if you did i think you should change both, and if you didnt, well the the last line could be much better worded-
    ex)
    On this suicidal night.
    or
    He was hurt inside,
    And didn't want to live,
    So he bade goodbye,
    During his suicidal bliss .

    i dont kno if you like either, but i do think it needs to be changed at least a little bit.

    Hope i helped.

    })i({Tiny**Heart})i({

  • 17 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    I found this one really sad rather than dark despite the theme. I liked the way you showd the event from 2 perspectives that was nicely done.
    Perhaps a title might be 'Wasted Opportunity' (just a thought)