My Revoltion of Summer (Rondel)

by †JustAri†   Sep 5, 2005


Revolted of this peanut butter atmosphere
And the exaggeration of summer fun
So overrated is the season
When sickened pores cry their salty tears

A crashing heat wave leaving sweat to smear
Thawing the people and ice cubes to none
Revolted of this peanut butter atmosphere
And the exaggeration of summer fun

Beneath a film of clouds so sheer
Break the kaleidoscope rays I've chose to shun
Revenge beat upon me by confontational sun
Exhausted and sweaty, I lead my cheer
Revolted of this peanut butter atmosphere

© Copyright Ariana 2003-2005

Rondel: French form consisting of 13 lines. The rhyming scheme is this: ABba abAB abbaA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats.

*I know this isn't my best work, but the Rondel looked very interesting to experiment with and so this is the product. :) Here's the link to the original poem that inspired this Rondel:

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/misc/poems.php?id=480197

Also...title suggestions would be appreciated.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    Nice fix, Ari! You've inspired me to try a rondel!

  • 12 years ago

    by †JustAri†

    Aak!

    Thanks so much for the correction, Ann Marie! :D I'll be fixing it soon. :P

    //Ari\\

  • 12 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    I think the title is fine. Very good, in fact. I love the imagery you use... except it makes me feel all icky and wanting to turn the A/C up!

    Sorry to nitpick, but since it's a form poem, I have to.

    The last stanza is missing a line. It should be abbaA, and you have abaA.

    All in all, it's a very good Rondel! Just liek with my own form poems, I like it more each time I read it!

  • 12 years ago

    by EpithetPoet

    Hehe a cute and playful poem with a slightly dismal charm. very nice :)
    -A

  • 12 years ago

    by ElegantlyWasted

    Quite an interesting piece. I love it how you try out new techinques and interesting ways of getting thoughts across. You amaze me :D

    - Love yah heaps girlie.
    Take care aye, hope you're doing alright :)

    *Kalah.