Anthony,

This is truly a powerful and very emotive piece. I think at times you abuse the punctuation marks (aposiopesis) but it does help to recreate the feeling. The diction is accurate. The structure is somewhat dubious, but nevertheless it helps to convey meaning. Well done indeed on a very good poem. With a little revision, this is definitely going to be a masterpiece.

This is heartfelt and wrenching. I liked it and can tell you poured yourself into it. I can never be critical of anything written from the heart, as I have no right to impose my will on what the author feels. However, I would make two suggestions, this line:

The word that are, "I Hate You"

"word" should be words

The word "rain" is overused. In some places very appropriate, in others, the words: drops, showers, or some other rain metaphor would improve the flow.

I love the feel of this write. By feel, I mean how I, as the reader feel when I'm reading it. I don't give a shit about flow or organization in a poem, I am more concerned with what I, as the reader, come away with after reading it. Did it make me think? Did it evoke emotion or a call to action? Did it make me self analyze? Your poem did all that. Great job.

HansRik and Bill said all I wanted to say and maybe even more.

There were certain times when the flow of your poem was interrupted, by the word you chose to use.

Maybe if you use another metaphor for rain, as Bill have stated, the flow would become much better.

I absoultely heart the whole idea of the poem, this is and will become a masterpiece. =)

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Wow! That was a very deep poem! The emotion was sensational! I really loved this poem. I can feel the pain. Great job! My favorite part was the ending:

"So that I could loose the very notion of love...
Causing peptic ulcers,
Causing the taste of blood,
This pain, Killing me from inside..
The rain on my window... My tears on the sill... "

Wonderful ending! Good job! Keep up the great work!

~BJ~

That was deep, and even though the words were quite simple, it still afforded the poem a certain type of calm beauty which was very interesting to read. I like emotional poems, and I certainly liked this one!

Good Writing!
beth

I like the idea of tears on the sill. Very metaphoric. "Loose" should be "lose".

I enjoyed the hurt and betrayal that you portrayed in this poem. As a reader, I can appreciate a poet who can connect with their readers.

Good write.

Christa

This is also an original poem! Keep writing. 5/5

Gr8 poem! keep up the gr8 work! 5/5!
~*Who Cares?*~