Before Confusion

In the beginning:
There was the pain.
The starvation and the hunger.
They toyed with me, these \"people of the light\"
Self-righteous and loathing me.

In the beginning:
I was nothing.
Belonged to nothing.
Learned nothing.
And suffered everything.

During the Change:
The pain bit down hard...
And the suffering grew.
People turned away from me
And I knew not what to do.
I listened closely for God to hear
My whispering cries at night.
But never a forlorn noise was uttered
From the graces of the heavenly ward.
Kids at school - they cut my arms.
Now the scars are plain to see.
I used to hide them from other\'s eyes...
But now I say, \"Why should I?\"

The Realization:
I came to know the people of earth; of so-called \"humanity\". I remember what they had done to me after birth and I realized that I was so completely different...so unavoidably detached from their shallow reality that I had to be something more. So one night, I cried out loud. \"I want to be someone important! I want to lead and be powerful...I want to effect the world!\"
I don\'t know what I expected. Quite honestly, the very thought that I even lost my ability to hide what I was feeling took me completely by surprise.
Anyways, the answer came not from God...so I learned and accepted otherwise. There are answers out there.

Acceptance:
The way I looked...not beautiful, but just right. The way I walked: somewhat with confidence. The way I looked at others made them despise me. The way I believed...well, that is another story altogether.
The people who did accept me were too shallow or too unevolved to understand my very being. They could not comprehend the answers I had found; all they wanted was someone who \'looked cool\' and was strong enough to stand up against others to \"make a scene\". I have no intention of \"chilling\" with these pathetic \"posers\" any more than I have gained self-respect and knowledge within the past couple months.
But there was one...yes...I remember her and hold her close to my heart.
If only to see her once again...
Oh the memories we share...yet so far apart. It makes me yearn to find her once again just to share more than memories...maybe even a smile. And I can wipe away her tears.
She thinks I have forgotten her, probably...and that is what the rest of the world would like her to think, I know. But the truth is...you can never forget someone like her...so special. And talents not yet tapped. So powerful, she just needs to realize like I did for myself, that there are no limits. Improving yourself is what we have in the world. What the whole system is based upon...If she\'s reading this right now...
And I hope she is...
Forgetfulness is not a factor in what WE are. I know that there is something powerful inside you...beyond the pain you are going through. Beyond the severe infidelities you are suffering in the realm of mankind...
There is so much more in life than pain...and memory. And when the time comes for you to be an adult...well we shall drink the remedy that we promised to each other one time to make all things new and beautiful. To raise the confusion that was our relationship for a few years into the sun where it can melt away all the tears, and all the questions.
Where the pain with shatter like glass and break away from our bodies and there is nothing more than US.

If she were reading this right now...then that is what I would like her to know. That there are many levels of love and knowledge. And I know that you are more than what you are letting yourself be right now. Take a stand. Be yourself. And do not be afraid...because the answers are always right there. They are just hard to realize and hard to see...because they are in shadow...
In the future...

Before Confusion:
There was me.
There was you.
None of us were born yet...
Life is Confusion.
But if you have the perseverence and the will to become as strong as your potential lets you become...then the Confusion will be no more. Because you will have yourself and all the answers we hold inside of us.
The Confusion that you seek to disperse from your mind will cause you no more pain.
No more lies, and no more cheating yourself out of doing what is right for yourself.
And we will have what we both desire...
If indeed we want the same thing.

Before Confusion:
There was us.
...And I miss you more each day.