Reminds me of a Cummings poem "anyone live in a little how town" or something like that. it is very clever, and unique. however I am not left as stumped as you suggested a reader would be. though i did enjoy the challange. ;)
Kevin: Had to read it a few times, but that is what I love about your work.
Though many readers will see your poem for different things, I am glad that I read it and see what I need to see at this point.
My version is probably so much different than what you intended, but thank you for writing this. For me it is a reminder that theri is no I in a relationship, only we or us.
Somehow, love has a way of intertwining two souls and if one is always looking out for their own I then the relationship will suffer extremely. When you are truly in love it is only naturual to pull back your I and started looking at your partner's I and at we or us.
Anyways babe, sorry to ramble on... I am just glad that I read this and heard my version of the message. It truly is awesome no matter what you intended.
OK...to ur challenge...I see it as you trying to be like someone else...maybe even some sort of obsession with someone, in a stalkerish way...And something happens...but i'm unsure of what it could be, that leaves u unsure of who u really are, because you tried to walk in someones shadow for so long
I think i got the message.. i liked the way you used I throughout.. the last three lines of the second stanza seem to be the main idea, and my favorite portion.. as always you added your own originality to it, but this is pretty different from what i've read of yours.. dont have much crits but i think you spelled "uninspired" wrong.. it makes a lot of sense as i unpeel the layers, and i haven't grasped it fully but it was a good write all around..
Alot to comprehend in such a short amount of space you've used
alot is said.
"where God's stability
mirror like and quite content
reflect your I as if my own"
you reflect him in yourself the way you want him to be reflected ( if i'm reading that right)
"So I subsides in graceful mime
to you so flattered uninspired
I forget my I so immersed in your
I pulling back by exposure of self"
you show him the way you want to and the way you want to be, that you forget that thats what your doing and when you somehow pull back to see how it's going you expose parts of yourself you didn't really plan on.
"you leave me I'less so unsure of
how to view the world around me
how now I'less
I am to see?"
when that happens your looking at the world as if for the first time, and you have no idea what to think of it let alone yourself