Hey,
I liked this....you're words worked well and i especially liked the way you set it out making it read better.

Xxx Cici xxX

I cant even say how much i enjoyed it.. always do you amaze me. every time.. this one was jam packed with crisp imagery and an awesome sequence of events.. your word choice was awesome.. the flow, at times, seemed to stumble, but it would pick back up.. i think there might be a few spots to iron out the flow/rhyme/meter, but overall, a completely fabulous piece.. Loved the ending as well.. I can't even imagine what you'll be writing in later years, as you're already well above your age-group in writing.. cant stress how much i liked all the similes and comparisons and imagery in this.. it's a pretty chaotic piece, executed perfectly for it's content; yet i cant help but expect a more sinister poem being entitled "murder," and similarly i can't imagine how you'd make it more sinister.. so basically.. i think im talking nonsense right now, which is usually the time to post my comment.. pZ =O)

This is amazing! briliantly crafted, great word play, nice flow. powerful piece. very well done! its fabulous

Amazing intensity..love the rhythem/..good jobb.

Lissa

Good poem. I liked it and the story it told.
Thanks for your comment.