Thank Jenni! I love your comments, they are helpful. I am seeing that the majority seem to like rhyming..I am trying to get away from that a bit now, working with the words to stand alone as images. I want power and raw emotion to come through now. I get scattered a bit I think.
WHOA!!!! Dang girl! this poem is amazing!!! Simply amazing. I love this. I think it should be catorgized as dark instead of sad. Your rhyming blew me away.. and the flow.. whooosh. . I love this part the best!:
Dreams are the blue of a new baby's eyes
or the anger and hatred behind twisted lies.
Dreams are the gold of a sun shining bright
or the scream of a child piercing the night.
Dreams are reflections on a ripple free lake
and dreams are the nightmares that keep me awake.
Wow. I didn't think it was missing anything at all. And as you, I too like the contrast in the lines from one to the next. It gives a great metaphor for good vs. evil.
The flow was really well done, and it didn't seem forced to me at all. The rhymes were original, and did not seem cliche what so ever. Keep writing. =) 5/5 xoxo
12 years ago
by Tara Kay
Awesome, so deep full of emotion and pain.
I can really feel the emotion from your words, its really gripping, the lines were quite long but that added to the greatness of the flow.
keep the good work up,