I love this poem, i love how it tells a story and you can actually see him hiding underneath the tree. I love how you made what the angels say rhyme as much as it meant something, some people don't have that ability...it's really hard to do that, i know, but its a great poem, i love it....good job 5/5 all they way
check me out sometime
And may that fiendish woman burn in Hell along with her mortal kiss!â€
((My favorite lines..))
His body was weak for he didnâ€™t feed since he was made
((This is poor grammar here...))
he said with crimson tears in his eyes.
((TOO cliche for you, my dear. You're a better writer than that.))
I liked this. But, all your stories seem to be about the same thing and that gets kind of boring. I've read two so far that are the same... Change around a bit. (If you do, horray, I'm only suggesting.) Nice write, the flow was much better here.
I think this is a very clever idea you used here, and i really enjoyed reading it although it kinda dragged on for a bit long. don't worry though it was great! you had good rhyming, and none of the rhymes seemed like they were just put there so they would rhyme. Some of the things you said were really clever, and made me imagine the scene vivdly. Well done 5/5 :)
I loved this.
The imagery you portrayed in this piece was breathtaking, it creates some very vivid pictures.
The flow is perfect throughout the entire piece and I loved your rhyme scheme.
While somewhat long, you held my attention throughout the entire piece...beautiful work on this.