This lasting love of ours

by Marlena   May 21, 2006


This everlasting love of ours
Feels to me, like a trip to mars
When I'm wrapped deep in your arms
My heart is held hostage by your charms.

When I look into your sea blue eyes
I know there won't be any goodbyes
It makes me feel warm and loved
Just like a hand being gloved

When we walk hand in hand
and bare feet on the moistend sand
I know that you will protect me
And never ever let my heart run free

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Gem

    I thought it flowed brilliantly!
    I really like this one, especially some of the rhymes!
    Well done!! 5/5
    *Gem*

  • 17 years ago

    by master of shadow

    I like the rhyming in this peice, you used some really unusual rhymes which i have never seen before. the content is very portrayed and the structure good.

  • 17 years ago

    by Kaylee

    I'll have to disagree. The rhyming felt shaky if not a bit forced. I think if you go more detail just a bit into things maybe it'll feel more in depth such as:
    "i know that you will protect me
    and not let me fall into the debre"
    One thing try and capitalize your i's in poems. Second, well how does it feel to know you'd be protected? If you keep asking yourself questions, it'll eventually help you write.

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