Broken Inside (Acrostic)

by Brigitte   May 22, 2006


Bleeding deep down in my soul
Raped and deprived of my desires
On going heartache, forever and endless
Kisses soaked in love’s sweet poison
Engraved misfortune withheld inside
No one takes notice to these hidden emotions

Isolated from love’s passionately perfect touch
Nearing gradually to life’s next abyss
Solitarily enveloped in earthbound darkness
Irrelevant to the vast world surrounding me
Dying slowly, but picking up speed
Emotions cast into the sea

This is the first poem I ever did that was Acrostic, Please tell me what you think so I can improve these sort of poems! Thank you!

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  • 17 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "Nearing gradually to life’s next abyss"
    This is an example of a line that you twisted around to fit the form. Grammatically, it should read:
    "Gradually nearing life's next abyss"
    if you want to keep it the way it is, I'd suggest that you, at the very least, remove the word 'to', it is unnecessary.

    If you want to improve at acrostic poems, then my advice is twofold:

    1. Try to make it so that the lines connect to one another, instead of being seemingly independent. Since acrostic poems are unusual in that you know what letter you have to start with, lines are often written to stand on their own, which makes the poems seem artificial at times.

    2. Don't bend or break lines to fit your form. All the lines in an acrostic poem should be natural and free, that is what is so beautiful about good acrostic poems.

  • 17 years ago

    by Natalie

    For your first time of doing one of these, You did a great job. I really liked this one aswell. It was great! I'm lovin' your work, Keep it up! 5/5

    `Taleee. xx.

  • 17 years ago

    by Tiny Reader

    I thought the first stanza was very good, but the second one seemed very separate. It was more like 2 poems, as the structure wasn't very continuous. Still, I liked it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Natalie

    Well, Ive done one of these and it was no where near as good as this. For your first acrostic, It was brillant. I really liked it. It all flowed really well together, Didnt sound forced. Awesome job!! 5/5
    `Taleeee xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Andrew

    I have to say writing Acrostic poems is one of the hardest things i think you can do. To have all your sentences start with a letter pre-determined by the title and having everything tie together like you did is really hard. Very nice job on writing and sticking to your topic, while only allowed a few lines to bring your point across.