I'll Scream your Name// In the Pouring Rain

by Brigitte   May 31, 2006


Rain descends in metallic sheets
Tis’ the blazing sun's sole defeat
Running upon the earthen grass
Waiting endlessly for rain clouds to pass

Crystal bullets spit at my hair
Crying these tears of great despair
I scream your name into the pouring rain
Yet to no avail, but this heartless pain

These tear-glass bombs hit my heart
Ripping soul and passion apart
Yet still I scream your beloved name
With what's left of my fiery passions aflame

I fall to the ground and cry my last
With these silhouettes of our past
These earth-bound tears I forever cry
Will no longer haunt desolate eyes

I drown in tears of oppression and joy
Treasured memories now destroyed
Crystal bullets kiss a tear-stained face
A restless soul bowing from grace

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by tyanna

    What a strong amazing poem.. WOW..I really liked the title..Great description and wording..The flow was great but would've been even better if you had used punctuation.. This poem kept my attention..(the title grabbed it).. Great job hun keep writting..I'm adding you to my fav's! 5/5
    Tyanna

  • 17 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    The descriptions and imagery in this poem are excellent. They drew me in and again kept my attnetion. The hryming was good nad didnt seem to be ofrced at any point of the poem. Il ike the "crystal bullets" and other description, it really helped create a wonderful image. The flow of the poem was good it was penned brilliantly. And it was really really enjoyable! To improve once more i suggest you use punctuatiion but otther then an amazing read! keep them up! xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Kelsea

    This is sad, but very well done. You did a good job of not going straight to cliches, as is what tends to happen when one is writing about such a subject. It flowed really well and I like the choice of words. =]

  • 17 years ago

    by MemoirsOfMe

    There is a lot of imagery in this poem, almost like a movie, but I can feel the pain the speaker is feeling. You have great descriptions and metaphors, and it flowed very nicely - very well done and worth the read.

  • 17 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "Tis’ the blazing suns sole defeat"
    you need an apostrophe in "sun's", ownership.
    ~~~
    "But to no avail, but this heartless pain"
    I didn't like the repitition of 'but' so close together. I'd try to omit one.
    ~~~
    "Reminding me of your depart"
    depart is not a noun, departure is. That would mess up the rhyme scheme though. I'd suggest restructuring the sentence to something more like:
    "Reminding me of how you'd depart"
    or something.
    ~~~
    "With whats left of my fiery passions aflame"
    "what's" needs an apostrophe, contraction
    ~~~
    "These earth bound tears I forever cry"
    earth-bound should be hypenated, it is a phrase
    ~~~
    "Crystal bullets kiss a tear stained face"
    same goes for tear-stained
    ~~~
    I really really enjoyed that piece! The imagery and metaphors were great, and I thought that the story behind the imagery was as enticing as the way you told it. It's too bad it had to be so mysterious though, I would have liked to have read more about the circumstances involved.