It;s a good start but I guess I would want it to a) have an better, more complete ending or/and b) go somewhere with you message. I see that you feel like a foeigner and you describe that well, but . . . I don't know this poem just seems to be missing something for me to be blown away by it. Because these sort of topics are often common you have to work really hard to make them stand out, you know? Or the they can't be appreciated for their full value. I hope I am making sense.
"all my love and happieness as it laughs."
'happiness', you misspelled it
"Right beneath my skin it is lain."
i'm not sure about your use of the past participle 'lain' in this case, it seems grammatically incorrect, and only present to complete the rhyme.
I think the poem was improved, though I wanted to point out that in all the repeated stanzas it says "my emotions" but in the first it says "their emotions", I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.
This poem was really good. I liked the repetition of the first stanza throughout the poem, it seemed to fit well. I also liked the stanza:
holding captive all the ones I hold dear.
In it's scaley hand it grasps,
all my love and happiness as it laughs.
That one really stood out to me. Great job on this. 5/5*
I just wrote my complete interpretation of this poem.. it really made me think, but I decided not to post it. I can totally relate to this poem if i have indeed understood is correctly. Really felt this one, definitely 5/5
Wow this is awesome, I hope I interpreted it right though, but I believe it could have been extended maybe with a better ending somewhat. It was really beautiful and unique though. I could feel the emotional background while reading. Different, but I loved it. Thanks for commenting on my poem. Keep it up!
The tears, they won't stop flowing.
The pain, it won't stop growing.
[I loved those lines. They were great!]
The poem itself was fantastic. I don't see any weak area's. I thought you've written it really well. I liked it alot. 5/5
P.S. I've already done the other one you asked. Under a different name though, Cause I only just changed it. So I'll choose another one. Mmkay?