Comments : Foreigner

  • 11 years ago

    by melissa

    Wow I really like your poem...its well written. your really talented keep up the good work =)

  • 11 years ago

    by Cyma Khan

    Very nice poem!!!
    keep writting
    God bless u

  • 11 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    I liked the reoccuring simile of the foreigner, though I thought it was left underdeveloped, as it could have been brought into a wider context if you had made the poem a bit longer.

  • 11 years ago

    by Kaylee

    As Sean said it could have been developed more. Your message was there but there was so much more you could have done to heighten it. Maybe lengthen it or go more into detail as best you can. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Trampled Angel

    It;s a good start but I guess I would want it to a) have an better, more complete ending or/and b) go somewhere with you message. I see that you feel like a foeigner and you describe that well, but . . . I don't know this poem just seems to be missing something for me to be blown away by it. Because these sort of topics are often common you have to work really hard to make them stand out, you know? Or the they can't be appreciated for their full value. I hope I am making sense.

    -Tainted

  • 11 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "all my love and happieness as it laughs."
    'happiness', you misspelled it
    ~~~
    "Right beneath my skin it is lain."
    i'm not sure about your use of the past participle 'lain' in this case, it seems grammatically incorrect, and only present to complete the rhyme.
    ~~~
    I think the poem was improved, though I wanted to point out that in all the repeated stanzas it says "my emotions" but in the first it says "their emotions", I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.

  • 11 years ago

    by Kaylee

    The poem did improve, but there is not much more than that I could say.

  • 11 years ago

    by Dre4meR

    Here there are lot of emotions...the poem is good...i don't know if it has improve, but it can be improve even better...overall it is good

  • 11 years ago

    by Wintersolstice

    I get from the poem that you feel like a foreigner in your own body because of all the emotions. Its strong and a great way of describing the power emotions can have. Xx

  • 11 years ago

    by Bridgette

    This poem was really good. I liked the repetition of the first stanza throughout the poem, it seemed to fit well. I also liked the stanza:
    The fear,
    holding captive all the ones I hold dear.
    In it's scaley hand it grasps,
    all my love and happiness as it laughs.
    That one really stood out to me. Great job on this. 5/5*

  • 11 years ago

    by brkendown

    I liked how you repeated some ords! keep up the good work!

  • 11 years ago

    by Fixxxer

    I just wrote my complete interpretation of this poem.. it really made me think, but I decided not to post it. I can totally relate to this poem if i have indeed understood is correctly. Really felt this one, definitely 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Nelle

    Well that showed a lot of emotions, i can relate a little It was great i will definitely give you 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Krissey

    This is some awesome writing here!! I like how every few stanzas you put a word or two in the first line, and then went on to describe it in the next 3 lines. And I also liked the repetition.

    *Chelsey and I would really appreciate it if you would check out our latest collab, "Two voices unheard." It's under the name, "Krissey." Thank you!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    Wow this is awesome, I hope I interpreted it right though, but I believe it could have been extended maybe with a better ending somewhat. It was really beautiful and unique though. I could feel the emotional background while reading. Different, but I loved it. Thanks for commenting on my poem. Keep it up!

  • 11 years ago

    by nikki

    Awesome job 5/5 keep up the awesome work!

  • 11 years ago

    by Natalie

    The tears, they won't stop flowing.
    The pain, it won't stop growing.
    [I loved those lines. They were great!]
    The poem itself was fantastic. I don't see any weak area's. I thought you've written it really well. I liked it alot. 5/5

    `Taleee. xx.
    P.S. I've already done the other one you asked. Under a different name though, Cause I only just changed it. So I'll choose another one. Mmkay?

  • 11 years ago

    by kd

    Omg, this is really good. i got goosebumps...

  • 11 years ago

    by Wings Of Flames

    Quite intense.
    im intrigued by each stanza.
    excellence is yours.
    ~Emah
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by kd

    Thanks for ur comment, i appreciate it, damn I like this poem because of the repetition, it just made the poem more intense. A poem that i understand.... 5 outa 5! xkdx