My halo

All my childish fears and insecurities
all my anger and all my phobias
have formed a halo around my head
like an angel
halo symbolizing its purity
my halo signifies my weaknesses
and my strong points
i draw from my halo of blackness
like sucking a poison from a mortal wound
my halo is every thing I am, and more
it has become me
it has empowered me
it motivates me to be who I am
it reminds me why I am different
it reminds me why I can never be any different
never change
I hate my halo
and yet i need it
it is my life source that has captured my soul
and holds it ransom to the rest of my body
using and controlling me
until my soul is no longer needed
until i am utterly destroyed
and all resistance is gone
i have no say
i cannot simply say no
it has filled the hole in my heart with a poison so bitter
that it creates a bigger hole
killing me slowly
softly strangling me
until all that was once good
is choked and stamped out
and the goodness tastes bitter
the dark manipulates me
my halo gives me strength that i never knew i had
and the power i never knew I could obtain
it also gives me the gift of intolerable rage
hatred is what drives me now
hatred and fear
searching the unsearchable
tracing the untraceable
my veins are twisted and warped and burned
until they are fully mingled
into the black that flows in my blood
it never stops eating at me
it never sleeps
and it will never stop until I am destroyed
to kill or be killed
that is the question the rest of the world has to face
it is not my decision
i have no control