This One Decision

A whole lot of stuff is happening...about the only consolation I have is that I can actually write again...just read and comment. I'm not looking for sympathy

Words filled with venom, hearts with hatred
this is the last time upon my heart they tread
Muttered insults, a piercing look
my entire being to it's core is shook

I don't know why I deserve this, why I must deal
sit here and take it like a b**ch, not let my feelings heal
They're pushing all my friends and relatives away
he's causing our relationships, to fatally sway

By now, it's him or me Ma, you decide
make your decision, 'cause I'm committing suicide
I'm done taking shit, several years and no rest
it's obvious he hates me, any idiot could've guessed

Tonight I'm leaving, slip out the back door
drink some rum, another, and then some more
just drown in my sorrows, and not even care
I'm gonna drown myself, try to live without air

I don't even think you'll care if I die
since you've just sat there, and let me cry
I don't wanna let these feelings out
but now, I just wanna godda**m shout

Give me your decision, and maybe I won't die
maybe make the right choice, and dump this guy
I'm tired of dealing with all of this stuff
I don't know why my life has to be so rough

Others have it worse, trust, I do know
but I have the willpower, to pack up and go
I can change how I live, make it better
what about my mom? forget her

It's obvious she doesn't care about me
she can't claim that she can't see
how much I'm hurting, how bad I feel
this dinner might be my very last meal

Why do I bother, I know you could care less
all you want, is for me to leave without a mess
a clean house for you and BJ to f**k up even more
as long as I leave, you won't feel even a little sore

I guess I'm going mom, f**k this s**t
I'm tired of taking emotional hits
better go grab the Bacardi and shot glass
chances are, I'll pass out and die on the grass