Comments : The Dreamer

  • 11 years ago

    by Truest Lies

    I almost don't know how to say what this poem made me think.
    That you use dance in so many of your poems is truly special to me. I have always had trouble expressing myself in my dancing, and now when you bring up the thought of expressing my subconcious, of daring me to do so...

    Wow, that was deep. It made me think alot. It shed new light on me. Thank you.

    //T.L.//

  • 11 years ago

    by Darien

    It seems to the dreamer, the dreamer shall never wake up.
    [repeating 'the dreamer' made the sentence confusing. You're better off writing 'he', since you described 'him' as a male]

    "If the dream where to shout,"
    [I think you meant 'were']

    "he just may scream"
    ['he may just scream']

    I also think you should take the last stanza and make it the 2nd, and the 2nd one last. It seems like a stronger ending. Sorry, just a few tips to make this one better, because it has a lot of potential.

    This was a really well thought out poem. It really does get the reader to think. A hidden message I found in this one. It brings up a lot of questions, do we control our subconscious mind or do they control us? A really good poem, enjoyed it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Natalie

    Can we tell our subconscious to dance? To believe? Or more importantly, to love? Can the dreamer be independent without the person?
    [I liked that part alot.]

    I thought it was pretty good. Even though you said it was more like a story kinda thing. I still liked it. It was kinda interesting. Anywho. 5/5 Keep it up!

    `Taleee. xx.

  • 11 years ago

    by Poetic Tragedy08

    Wow that was awesome!!! lol sheena you're an awesome person and writer, and this was good!! very nice! 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by ShhhhItsASecret©

    "If the dream where to shout, no one would here him,"

    -were* instead of where and hear* instead of here.

    Wow. I really liked it. Ofcourse it was choppy, but as you stated in the beginning, it's just bits and pieces that can be mended together to form a story. I love the meaning behind it. Very inspirational. Good job, I know this will make a GREAT story when you mend it all together. Keep writing, you have an amazing talent!! :) 5/5

    ~BJ~

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Wow, THE DREAMER, wut a great poem, honestly it is one of the best poems i ever read in this site. I really like the idea
    great job

  • 11 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    Lovely deep imagery in this one. Love the way you have to think as you read.
    I would swap the middle and last stanzas as I feel the dare expressed in the final line is pretty final
    Other than that a brilliant piece of writing.

  • 11 years ago

    by Samantha Hollywood

    XDarkSuicidex --
    Though this didn`t keep my interest for me to read through the whole thing, what I did read was really well written. I`m not going to judge you on what I liked or disliked ;; but how it`s written. It was written quite well, you`re very well spoken. You did a nice job on this, 5/5.

    Love Much,
    Samantha Hollywood

  • 11 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    5/5.. Wow.. I realy liked teh ending! hehe.. Im speechless.. I do hope you write this as a book because I think you'd have a great book!

  • 11 years ago

    by Dana

    I oddly really enjoyed this! It really hit me. especially with these words "I now dare this dreamer to be heard. Scream loud, I dare you. Cry your heart out dreamer." very intense, congrats! Definatly a 5/5 from me m'dear!

  • 11 years ago

    by Driver

    Wow... im really impressed by this poem... really deep and well thought... complex questions mixed with bold statements hold good here... youre a strong writer as well.. thanks for the comment...
    Driver

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I found this peice to be thought provoking

    The dreamer is out subconscious
    The dreamer is our subconscious?

  • 11 years ago

    by Sondos

    This was a really good piece. Really interested me the powerful yet peacefully reasonable voice I heard whilst reading this. I thought it was well written and interesting. Had a few typos and that but other than this, it was a perfect piece

  • 11 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    Woooow! I thought it was great just the way it was. It's really unique and actually flows wonderfully. It's actually lovely just the way it is I think.

  • 11 years ago

    by Wasted Fake Smiles

    Haha wow go out with a bang! i loved this! i dont see the need to knit i think it was great! 5/5. i loved the verbs, theyre were just so many, i loved it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Polly

    Wow that is one of the deepest things I've ever read... I think it is actually good as a poem and doesn't need to be a story... It started off quite sort of dreamily... but ended really powerfully and really made me think! 5/5
    Polly

  • 11 years ago

    by chris

    Another wonderful poem I am amazaed at how long I have been on this site and never read your stuff. My thoughts and own opinions are right on line with yours in this. Again this is another wonderful poem, and I am know going to take the time to read all of your stuff. Just when I lost faith in this website I found a poet to give me reason to stick around. Thank you. Chris

  • 11 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    Ahh. I like this poem. It's diffrent from any others I have read. It was realllly unique actually. Which is good. It's good to be creative and unique. I think it works how you have it actually. I mean the flow was really nicely peiced together. I liked it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    Ahh. I like this poem. It's diffrent from any others I have read. It was realllly unique actually. Which is good. It's good to be creative and unique. I think it works how you have it actually. I mean the flow was really nicely peiced together. I liked it.

  • 11 years ago

    by Aline

    Wonderful this is one of the best poem i've ever read, i've never seen such a poem waw.so great 5