Comments : My Stranger Princess

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    My new poem dedicated to the person who is bringing smile to my face........

  • 11 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    My heart don't think of her

    'Doesn't'.

    Other than that, I liked it... Not up to what it could be, I believe, you could make it stronger, but yet it was pretty strong already. It was also a bit short and you could have made it longer, in my opinion. But good job.

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Thanks alot darksuicidex...........

  • 11 years ago

    by Truest Lies

    Anymore and I am not sure is a great rhyme.

    My heart doesn't think of her
    Like a stranger
    Not anymore.

    ok, knitpicking, maybe that could sound better (or just different) if it was "my heart doesn't think of her as a stranger not anymore"
    Nah, probably fine as it is.
    It could have probably been a little bit longer, and maybe with some more views of your princess, like her darker side, and how you love her in spite of that...
    But then, you are the poet, I am only the helpless critic.
    No offense was meant at any time. :-)

    //T.L.//

  • 11 years ago

    by freshta

    Ohhhh, you are making to think, what is going on?
    how come suddenly you changed your wave?
    Hopefully this is a true poem I will be so happy for you MR.GORAN
    take care and a great poem sweetheart

  • 11 years ago

    by Alex Marlatt

    Awesome poem, it had alot of feeling and emotion. That's good. I know exactly how you feel. When you're in love you tend to think only of her and even her greatest flaw seems like perfection. It was strong and pretty solid. I liked it alot.

  • 11 years ago

    by jessy

    This is a great poem....how it is! and i know how you feel...i am in love with a boy who lives over 4,500 miles away from me..we met over the internet.....but anyway i loved this poem...keep up the great work!

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Thank you all, as you all know this is one of my first happy poems and I am trying to get better with it,

  • 11 years ago

    by Biscuit

    It sort of feels like theres a few full stops missing, or at least if they were there they would improve the flow of this poem...after 'i found a princess' and 'as a stranger'

    and erm...'a stranger will give me that much happiness?', this line doesn't really fit, not really sure why it just stands out like a sore thumb.
    its a mixture between a question adn a statement so it doesn't really fit as either.

    maybe it should be 'could a stranger give me that much happiness?'

    or

    'i never thought a stranger
    could give me that much happiness.
    never thought of it
    at the start'

    the rhyming is great though, i cant fault that :P and the imagery is beautiful.

    -biscuit-

  • 11 years ago

    by Samantha Hollywood

    Goran --
    Hey! Saw you were asking for some critique on this, so, here goes!!
    I think that overall, you did a good job on this poem. The flow was a bit iffy ;; some of your lines run a bit long, some short. I would definitely consider revising this, as it makes it more clear for the reader.
    The rhyming, definitely worked out. I saw a clear, steady pattern throughout the poem, and it never changed. That`s definitely a plus, and only one of the features that makes this poem so great. =D
    The theme was clear ;; not vague at all. Definitely a fantasy kind of poem, but it was really cute.
    Overall, I really liked it! 5/5 for sure. =D

    Have a great day,
    Samantha Hollywood

  • 11 years ago

    by Kaylee

    Thousand miles faraway
    I found a princess
    [Alright, you state that you found a princess. Cute sure but fairytales usually describe them being a thousand miles away. What does the place you found her look like? A meadow? A castle? An everyday store? Maybe even her mailbox?]

    A princess who became a cure,
    For my painful heart.

    [Since you already said princess maybe change the second time it's used.]

    A stranger will give me
    That much happiness?

    [Doesn't make sense.

    Would a stranger give me happiness?]

    Never thought of it
    At the start.

    [You should describe emotionally how you did not believe it at first. Which would mean disbelief which may eventually become confusion. Especially i it's love.]

    My heart doesn't think of her
    As a stranger

    [You already mentioned stranger but not what she looks like.]

    Not anymore.
    What is happening to me?

    [Well maybe if you described how you were feeling emotionally]

    I am not sure.

    Overall, it was cute but too repetitive for my taste. 4.2/5

  • 11 years ago

    by loretta Taylor

    Wow ,very unique. I love the flow of this poem.It has alot of feeling in a short poem. Personal experience?
    good job 5/5 Loretta

  • 11 years ago

    by Natalie

    I liked the start of the poem, but as it got to the end I thought it could have a little more detail to it. But otherthan that, I liked it. It was simple. and cute. Keep it up!

    Natalie``

  • 11 years ago

    by desigirl

    Wow, great poem and a totaly different poem as freshta said, I HOPE IT IS A TRUE STORY..........
    best of luck and nice poem again

  • 11 years ago

    by BleedingAngel

    Wow what a sweet and beautiful poem, put a smile on my lips =0) I think you did a great job, love is a mysterious thing, so wonderful and some times it hurts so bad...This poem made me think of my boyfriend =0)

    Much Love Sabrina

  • 11 years ago

    by libby

    I think this could be stronger. It leaves me wondering... "so what?" Not really enough detail or reason to make me care all that much. Keep it up though, you seem like a good writer and I'm sure you could still make something wonderful of this.

  • 11 years ago

    by desigirl

    Just a question, is this related to your poem titled "TO SEE YOUR SMILE"
    cause they are much alike

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    YES, and you will see that poem here as well, just give me another 24 hours, lol

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The poem is very romantic the repetition of the words; princess, and stranger can be very effective at driving the point home if they are not viewed as redundant your rhyme scheme is also up to par with the proper pauses during the recital, Sometimes syllable counting only make the poem more choppy
    Example the adding or subtracting of words that do not change the meaning of the poem can even out the poetic feet
    Personally I am more into content and I believe this poem has that

    Thousand miles faraway
    I found a princess
    A LOVE who became a cure,
    For my painful heart.
    A stranger will give me
    That much happiness?
    I HAD Never thought of IT
    THAT WAY from the start.
    My heart doesn't think of her
    As a stranger
    Not anymore.
    What is happening to me?
    I am not sure.

  • 11 years ago

    by Robie Lincer

    Thats another good poem!

    Keep it up!