Comments : With Closed Eyes She Sleeps

  • 11 years ago

    by Lynn

    Hey there, umm your poem is really great! You're really talented! keep it up! and check my poems if you feel like it :)

  • 11 years ago

    by BrokenMisery

    Its a sad poem and well written. I don't like your topic area simply because its been very over done in the past. Also deriving your title from the last line can sometimes ruin the ending. It was a good job, you did it without forcing any rhymes which is really hard in that sort of structure. A good job, keep writing and best of luck.

  • 11 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    Very well written, Mom. I like the part where the father kicks her lifeless body, it adds a boost of hatred toward the character...if that makes any sense. I guess what I'm saying is it shows that the father never cared.
    I do think that in this line:

    "But innocence was lost long ago."

    that you should change it to "But innocence was stolen long ago". It flows much better and adds an element of intensity, rather than her innocence just being lost it was stolen.
    Anyway, just a suggestion. Keep it up.
    Love ya~Holly

  • 11 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    Oh and don't change the title. It's awesome!
    I don't think that you need to change the category or anything. Although this type of poem is over done on this site, yours is one to be really proud of.
    The rhyme scheme alone is intimidating. It's so hard to do an abab rhyme scheme without it feeling forced. Okay, I'm done now :)

  • 11 years ago

    by ~yOu EnVy Me ~

    This is a excellent poem
    oh my...im speechless are you a writer?
    you are very good at this im a fan:)
    5/5 keep it up

  • 10 years ago

    by Lauren Crandall

    A Chilling Poem.. Very Emotive and Amazing, and Just Scary. and Sad. i dont know who gave it less than a 5.. the only thing i could find not perfect was the use of dirty twice in one line, Lol. but truly very sad poem..

    5/5

    x.x:Lauren

  • 10 years ago

    by Gem

    That was so sad and it didn't sound forced at all.
    It's perfect the way it is.
    5/5
    *Gem*

  • 10 years ago

    by Midnight Sun

    Comment #1:
    This was so moving. I really do admire your work and this piece is one of my fav's of yours. Keep it up! :)
    ~Midnight Sun

  • 10 years ago

    by ReBecca

    This is great. I've spent the last half hour going through alot of your stuff and I think you are extremly talented. I look forward to reading more.

  • 10 years ago

    by Mihaela

    I like this poem a lot.Congratulations,you have done a great work.Best regards,Michelle XxX