Comments : Time

  • 11 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    I loved the flow of this and the format adds an extra dimension. I'm not sure if it left me feeling happy or sad but either way it was beautifully written.

  • 11 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    The imagery you create is a very nice change from what I am used to reading here.

    You manage to convey a sense of joy and frustration of the time we waste on a regular basis, which is exactly how it is, even the biggest waste of time can be enjoyed after all.

    Nicely done with good use of parentheses.

    Bret

  • 11 years ago

    by Tormented

    Wow!!this piece created so many images in my mind...you desribed your point so very well...the flow and rhyme were pretty good! I liked your choice of wording...very well written...i enjoyed reading it!5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Just Lucy

    Awww wow, i loved it, your a fantastic writing and i like it how you have those 'less important things' in the brackets, that really made the poem for me, good job!!! it was a great read! i loved it

    xoxo Lucy

  • 11 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    It is a great poem with a good flow, nice job here, and keep it up
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Melissa S. Masucci

    You kept up a pseudo-rhyming scheme at the ends of lines throughout except for the last stanza, that was kind of distracting.

    Very descriptive and written well. My only complaint might be that the focus is so much on the descriptive nature that it's difficult to tell what's really going on in the poem without reading through it a couple times.

    It's good once you get past that, though, and see what's underneath. :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Darien

    "Robins"
    [robins. Don't need to capitalize it]

    "(And hush snow falling upon an aging tree)"
    ['hushed' because the word 'hush' is a verb. You are using it as an adjective]

    Wow Kaylee, that was a great poem. You really described everything well. Very well thoughtout poem. Time, hmm, there are a lot of things I can say about time. I really liked the point of view you had on this one. It seemed really subtle. Good stuff.

  • 11 years ago

    by Natalie

    Very nice, Kaylee. I'm glad you decided to write another one, cause I love your work. This one was great though, Loved the last stanza, thought it stood out alot, cause you wrote about a grandfather clock. Excellent vocab as per usual. No flaws at all. =) Keep it up! 5/5

    Natalie``

  • 11 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    Hey Kaylee!

    You use many descriptive words in this which for the most part is good, but I must say in places it distracted me from the meaning itself. All the beautiful images just made the message hard to keep up with if you know what I mean...maybe it was just me not reading clearly enough.
    Hmm...the second line of the first stanza really caught me out, I had to reread it several times...maybe rewarding of this line could be an option?
    As I've said your grasp on imagery words is very good and you did portray ideas in original ways, which was refreshing to read.
    Thanks for sharing, please keep writing!!

    ps thanks for the comment on my poem!!

  • 11 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Oh my god, this is amazing... A great write.. I haven't read something this good in sometime. Thank you for sharing it with me.

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5

  • 11 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Great poem 5/5 u deserve no less! my fav line is:
    As do the diamond stars whisper with soft light
    Keep up the awesome work!

  • 11 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Ooo! I liked it a lot. You used a lot of words and rhymes and...everything! Lol. I liked the kind of image you created with this. Terrific job! =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 11 years ago

    by catdogbilly

    Your so right !!!!! its a good one

  • 11 years ago

    by Candy

    I really like your poem, lol, i had a hard time understand some of the words tho, im not the smartest and my vocab isn't the big but its really good keep up the good work, over all 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    I'm noticing a trend. Whilst all of your work, including this poem, feels considered and is obviously well worded the pattern of the poem template has been the same so often.

    I think you need to experiment with poem structure so I'm challenging you to write a sonnet, a lanturne and the big one, an iambic pentameter.

    Bret