Pink Elephant Shuffle

It was truly a night to remember
But one I'd just soon forget
It happened a few nights ago
And I haven't recovered as yet.
It started that night in a tavern
A smoky glaze fell on the room
The music so loud that I shuddered
Expecting an imminent doom.
But the dancing was good, I remember
The beat of a song in a rhyme
With the clatter of glasses and pool balls
And the tapping of feet keeping time.
The liquor was flowing, quite freely
Tequila, Crown Royal, and Schnapps
I took my share, they were tasty
And all were served up in a shot.
How many I had, can't remember
My memory alludes me at best
But I know to a cab I was carried
I just can't remember the rest.
Next morning, my bed felt quite lumpy
I stretched and then started to stir
As I slowly opened my eyes
Everything that I saw was a blur.
When my vision cleared up from my stupor
Through eyes red and bloodshot, I saw
That I didn't make it home safely
On a stranger's lawn, I was sprawled.
There were people all standing around me
They stared as the whispers did quake
In my ears their volume had tripled
In my head, was a terrible ache.
I knew I should have done something
I tried to get up, but I failed
As their voices got louder and louder
In the distance, I heard sirens wail.
It wasn't too long 'til I saw them
6 policemen came into view
All asking me, How did I get here
God, how I wish that I knew.
My head is still giving me problems
My memory's not clear of the course
I wish, the events I remembered
'Cause I have to relive them in court.
So I'm sitting it out in a jail cell
And I'm wondering what I should do
The injustice of this situation
Has got me singing the blues.
They say 30 days in this hell hole
And a fine I have now got to pay
With a job that I lost in my stupor
I've got bills piling up everyday.

Now the moral of this story is simple
Just listen and take it from me
Next time you want to go drinking
Stay home and watch some TV