Comments : The End Of Her Fate

  • 17 years ago

    by ♥ Rejekted

    Thank you for saying you liked my writing :] i really love this poem but i think you should a little bit more to it, great poem though!

  • 17 years ago

    by Idiosyncratic

    Short, definitely, but it still holds a lot of meaning. It definitely needs an ending, though. I think it's in the correct category-- or at least what you've written so far is.

    Great poem!

  • 17 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Ooo! It was great for not being finished! ^_^ The flow was excellent, and the image came on strong. I would suggest putting it into the 'poems about death' category if it already isn't there. I didn't find anything that needed fixing. The flow was good, the rhymes were original and the image was great. =) 5/5 xxoo

    Samantha

  • 17 years ago

    by Stephanie

    Perfect, that's all I can say. It's wonderful, it has great flow to it and it has wonderful describing to it. Love it, but make sure to put an ending, Lol. 5/5 Keep up the great work!

    Innoc3ntStar

  • 17 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Well, kinda throws you off a little but you could probably expand one more stanza to sum it up more. Other then that great poem! Still you get a 5/5!

    God Bless,
    Taylor

  • 17 years ago

    by Kayla

    I like this a lot. you should definetly finish because so far its really great! its short but thats okay because you got down what you needed to write to make it this good. thats what makes a real poet. much love, kayla

  • 17 years ago

    by donna

    A very deep poem, brilliantly written.. I absolutely loved the ending.

    'They examined her body.
    But nothing was found.
    No one will know,
    It was her mind that drowned.'

    Amazing.. Well done 5/5 xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Mousie

    I really liked that! very good... and yes i do like the ending... very nice! 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by nikki

    I rly like this good job! 5/5!

    ~Nikki xD

    ps
    i do like the ending

  • 17 years ago

    by LockedInEternity

    Wow...that was a very powerful ending:)...amazing creation...i saw it al in my head...i thought i was amazing..5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    When she jumps in the lake,
    Not heard is her voice.

    This has to be re-written. That second line is screaming at me. It's a good job that it is clear you can fix it though.

    Remember that you should never sacrifice the weight, feel or flow of your poem for rhyme. If it doesn't work find something else.

    I like that you have used punctuation, it goves the piece a finished hue.

    As the story itself it's different and certainly miles from the standard suicide fare.

    It's nice to see that you obviously put time into this poem.

    Bret

  • 17 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    Also, anyone who says this poem is not finished or too short you can happily ignore. The best poet will say more with less, and you have done that.

    Bret

    Oh, I just saw the solution to that line:

    Unheard is her voice.

    Obvious really!

  • 17 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Simple, yet emotional peom. Great job. My favorite was the first two lines of the second stanza.

  • 17 years ago

    by Esther

    I really love the ending, the very last line, but it doesn't say why? and the flow i thought no offense wasn't the best ever! it didn't ryme that much either, but i don't think it was meant to be overall well done!! 5/5!

  • 17 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    5/5. I LOVED THE ENDING! It is so great! I hope you write more!

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    The ending is good, the rhymes were nice. there is nothing i would change in this poem!

  • 17 years ago

    by goddess-glamourpuss

    I loved the ending of this one. The pace was fast and almost frenzied which ids how I picture the scene. Very nice deep write.

  • This is amazing...I loved it...
    great job...

  • 15 years ago

    by SuicideNotes2Poems

    It is great! loved it. keep up the good work. =]