Questioning The Truth

by Jackie Marie   Nov 15, 2006


I stand in front of you
We are face to face
Do you see me?

I talk directly to you
Words from my mouth
Do you hear me?

I tell you that I love you
Feelings from within
Do you love me?

I tell you how much you hurt me
Trying to kill you with the words
Do you hate me?

I tell you how much I need you
You are my necessity
Do you need me?

I want you in my life
And I have since I met you
Do you want me?

These words from a daughter
Go straight to her father
Does he even care?

___________________________

[Edited from "Do you..?"]

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    I liked the questioning sentences and unanswered words and they are so true
    As everyone asks this sometimes
    I liked he wording and flow of this
    Good job,
    Laura

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    This is a beautiful free verse poem. It had its own style in it and the flow is also cool. I like your wordings.I gave it a 5/5

    With love
    Fsams

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I found this piece to be quite great to tell you the truth. I feel as though the repetition worked really well throughout this it was effective. I think if you added more describing words into this poem it would make the emotions more stronger, Not though they werent I just think with a bit more It would make this poem really powerful. Other then that this was quite a meaningful read. Well done on creating this~mel

  • 16 years ago

    by Fluffy

    Another well written piece, Marie :). This time, your repetition works much more effectively, as your sentances are sharper and straightfowardly put. However, a small suggestion for improving. In each stanza, just at the end of the second line, place a full stop- this well make the sentances more abrupt. Also, don't hesitate to weave more adjectives or emotive language into your words. This will help bring out the meaning to your piece and give definition to your work.
    An example of this:

    "I speak directly to you,
    Words leaking from my mouth.
    Do you hear me?"

    Personally, I think that possesses more meaning. But that's just my opinion; the end change is up to you :D.

    Overall, a solid piece :).

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    Very nice
    I'm very sorry
    I think you did an excellent job with all of the last lines
    very nice
    5/5
    kaila