What have I Become?

What have I Become?
Why do I constantly hurt or Sabotage things in my life that are Good?
Every time something comes along In my life, that seems to be going Right, I make it go away, I find a Way to mess it up.
I can't seem to get my mind going In one direction, but instead, a Million miles at a time and a Million different directions.
I want something better for myself, Yet I am so used to the pain, I Have suffered or caused myself, And others.
It's like a cycle that cannot, and Will not be broken, and I don't Know why.
I cant stand to be alone, yet I Must want too, because I always Push you away.
What am I doing with my life?
What have I Become?