This is sad yet meaningful. sometimes when we look back on the struggled we face in life , we just wish we were in a different world, but when we think back, all we're searching is the easier sides. Life is like love, it exist, we feel it, but we never know what the future might brings.
it was good over all but more could be said on such a topic. well done, it merits 4.5/5.
I liked it..
I think it was just rushed..but then again that sorta adds to the piece.
It sorta makes it like they're thinking frantically...
Wow haha now that I think of it that way, I really really liked this. XP
Excellent job, 5/5
I like this poem really much... The flow is really good and, though the form is simple, the theme is deep...
I only think you repeat a bit too much on the second stanza... you could emphasize the "tired" by emproving the wording a little bit...
The first stanza leaves me confused...
"You are running,
Because you are hiding."
You run because you hide? maybe "because you need to be hiding"... well, I don't know for sure... It might just be my lack of understanding...
The third stanza is the best, I think... It feels very deep... :)
although i tend to make some critiques, i find this poem very good... ;)
You are crying,
Because you are dying.
You are running,
Because you are hiding.
^^ very contradictory great way to draw the reader in and wonder what its about
You are tired,
Always so tired.
You feel drained,
^^ ah everyone can feel that way at one point : /
This is the end.
You want to be dead,
So there will be no more pain,
And you will no longer be tired.
So goodbye pain.
^^ wow very ironic true the pain will be gone but than again you will be dead!
like i said i think your sadder poems are stronger
9 years ago
by Cyber Saiyan
The tile is good, it caught my attention. The Opening was somewhat blah and that seemed to carry through the rest of the work as well. The rhyming words were pretty common as well; maybe even overused. I just did not see a lot of effort in this one. Most of the words you chose are one syllable words that seem to run together.
A decent poem overall, but not my favorite. It may work better as a haiku poem where the flow is expected to be short.