Wow,i think it's awesome,keep writing 5/5

I can't begin to imagine what inspired you to write this, but it's very good. The imagery seemed just a teensy bit awkward due to all the full stops that you sometimes did and sometimes didn't put at the end of lines, but it developed a style all of its own.

//T.L.//

The concept of the poem is good as is the story it tells. Just be careful grammatically and watch for parallel tense construction and correct use of vocabulary. Those are my main two critiques. Good effort though. Keep writing and develop your talent further.