Broken: the beginning (part one)

I'm so tired of everything
drugs, sex, parents, fights.
Ive said it countless times
It never comes out right

I don't want to be here anymore
I don't want to be at all
I'm just not standing up
This is the last time that Ill fall

Theres not much more to say than that
But you'll expect an explanation
for why my only goal in life
is early termination

you'll say its such a drastic measure
such a permanent solution
So ill expose all my lies
and unscramble my illusion

you think I'm just a lazy teen
a bad example for my friends
and every rule i don't brake
I sure as hell will bend

I don't blame you for thinking that
but i wish i could tell you why
I pray i find the words
this is the last time that ill try

I'm completely stoned all the time
such an anti social habit
but if someone offered you the cure
you would surely grab it

Its like somebody told me,
"Hey this stuff is worth trying
a maximum strength pain reliever
guaranteed to stop your crying

and all i ever wanted
was for the bad to go away
to mend my shattered heart
and survive another day

It was awesome for awhile,
but before i knew
everything started spinning
the bad was leaking through

my secrets were spilling out
I started coming down
my system started crashing
until i finally hit the ground

I was forced to start to feel again
horrible human emotion
hatred anger fear guilt
sadness love and devotion

I hate him for the things he did
I'm mad because he did them
I'm afraid ill never get out
guilty because I hate him

I'm sad because i love him
I love him because hes my dad
I'm devoted to him
terrified to make him mad

At home I'm stupid
at school i prove him right
I'm just way too tired now
I'm giving up my fight

Its too late for reassurance
No, it wont be OK
Its way to late to convince me
that I'm not a waste of space

I know this is the easy way
But if you'd listen you would find
that I'm not ending my life
though I'm committing suicide

I'm giving up on everything
because I'm ruining peoples lives
I'm doing you all a favor
Its time to say goodbye

I'm giving up my future
and not dwelling on the past
Though I'm still alive
life is over at last....

part two and three are coming soon, but i don't have time to post them at the moment.

this is the girl blocking out all emotion... before the suicide...
part two is the suicide...
and part three is after the suicide.
awesome... comment... please.