There's life in me no more

I take this blade to my wrist,
it's been so long...this is what I really miss,
watching the blood stream out,
it makes me feel better and have no doubt,
now there's a big puddle of blood,
just because when he looks at me I know he thinks of mud,
my breath is getting shorter...it is now harder to breathe,
my life is being quickly stolen and I'm the thieve,
my vision is starting to go black,
this is what I want...to never come back,
don't worry I'll be gone soon,
I won't breathe another breath by noon,
I've now passed out on the bathroom floor,
there's life in me no more,
an hour later I wake up,
white bedsheets all around,
I'm now wearing a hospital gown,
my attempted plan failed...I wanted my death to come quick,
when that failed I ran into a wall made entirely out of brick,
how can I die with you all stopping me,
can't you see you need to just let me be,
I'm out now and yet again I take this blade to my wrist,
thinking of his sweet kiss,
this time my death is going to be quick to come,
my fingers are getting cold...my hands are now numb,
now that I think about it...is this really how I want to end my life,
with just a quick movement of a knife,
yes...I wish I could say these words and for them to be true,
and everything will come down on you,
bombs rain down like heavens tears,
the earth shall die and disappear...
it would take my death with it,
and forever in hell I would sit,
I cut myself over and over...but never to die,
my wishes for death have become a complete lie,
as I had been thinking more blood dripped onto the floor,
I can now hear my brother at the door,
I cut myself deeper wanting it all to end here and now,
he asked me why I did this...he asked me how,
I was going to tell him everything...but I knew he would never understand,
I feel dry and deserted like the hot desert lands,
I see him looking down at me...my vision starting to go blurry,
I keep whispering to the angel of death...hurry,
then that's when I realized,
that I needed to see me through their eyes,
as I lay there on the floor dieing,
I could hear my brother crying,
I inhaled one last breath,
not knowing what was going to happen to me after this death,
the bright lights are now fading into black,
but now I only wish for this to be an act,
I can see the angel of death,
he's telling me to stand up and take a breath,
now as I stand, my spirit parts from my body...I see myself there on the floor,
there's life in me no more.