Innocence

by Kayla   Jan 25, 2007


Narrow, gravel road
Cracked, concrete porch
Young girl; Brown hair
Swishing back and forth
Opens the front gate
Runs up to the door
Greeted by an old man
She had always trusted before
Grabbed her by the arm
Dragged her across the room
Forced her in the chair
She waited for her doom.
He said, "Let's play a game."
So she pretended to sleep.
As he touched her fragile body
She began to weep.
She never understood
What was going on that day.
But he broke her spirit
And took her innocence away

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    A tragic write. I unfortunatly know someone to whom this was true, thanks he's locked up now. I think the length was appropriate and so was the wording. I will say though I think there may be a better word than "doom" as this seems out of place in there. I realise you used it to rhyme but it's not good to use a word purely because it rhymes. Also, for some reason the flow was lost a little on the next to last line, I think adding just one more syllable may help there.
    Touching poem, thanks for sharing.

  • 17 years ago

    by Cella Bella

    A horrible story but you wrote it beautifully. I'm very impressed, you're so young and so talented. I can't wait to see what you write in the future. Great job! 5/5

    marcella

  • 17 years ago

    by twisted reality

    Wow. I was also impressed with this one. I usually dislike raping stories very much because they're so graphic and there are so many terms that could be left out. This one seemed to keep me entranced, and I wanted to read more.

    I hope this has not happened to you. That would be an awful burden to carry for the rest of your life and no one deserves that. If you need to talk, don't be afraid to PM me. =)

    The poem...The flow was amazing. I didn't think the flow would be that well done. And as I said before, the story wasn't gruesome and it had just enough info to keep the reader's mind on it.

    The flow was rather well done as well. The rhymes didn't feel forced and the words just kept coming like it was as simple as writing a book. You are very talanted. I hope you keep writing. =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha

  • 17 years ago

    by angelina

    I really like this one too but i dont thinkit is as good as the other one i read still it has a lot of meaning and thought

  • 17 years ago

    by Taylor

    You can really see it going on. Its like watching a movie of it happening in your head, and I suppose thats what makes it so sad; it is real. I loved the part about her swinging. It just added a little bit of humanity to it, in a way.

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